Throne of Glass: Chapter 25


Previously on Throne of Glass, Celaena finds a secret escape route from the palace and opts not to use it because to hell with logic, this book has a “plot” to follow. Later, Fucking Awful Guys Dorian and Chaol tussle over who gets to watch her sleep without her permission.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 25

Oh great. Look how chapter twenty-five starts.

Celaena dreamt.

MY FAVORITE.

Let’s see if it’s . . . yep, the dream is five pages long, and takes up most of this chapter. Great.

In it, a long-dead Fae queen named Elena comes to Celaena and tells her:

  • those creepy gargoyles on the clock tower guard a portal between two (of possibly many?) worlds,
  • Elena slipped through the portal to visit Celaena,
  • there’s no such thing as coincidence or chance,
  • there’s something super-evil living in the castle and Celaena has to stop it before it can rip open the portal wide open,
  • the continent needs her to win the competition and become the King’s Champion because she understands “the people’s plight.”

Elena gives her a little protective thing to wear, then panics because the gargoyles know Elena slipped through the portal, and are hunting her down. If Celaena’s caught by the gargoyles, “all will be lost.” Boy, I would’ve loved to know what “all” is in this case, but I guess clear stakes are for losers.

Never a loser, Celaena doesn’t need to hear the specifics; she’s off running, and just barely escapes the gargoyles (hold on, why are they hunting Celaena? Shouldn’t they be chasing Elena?) before waking up in bed.

Okay, hold on, gotta relocate from my Irritated Reader/Fainting Couch to my Super Serious Writer Desk for some intense headdesking, because this book is doing everything wrong.

Celaena has literally done nothing in this book, and I’m mere pages away from the halfway point. She’s just said “Sure, okay” to everyone—from Dorian asking her to be his Champion in the contest to become King’s Champion, to Chaol’s abusive physical training, to Nehemia’s demands for a language tutor. The only thing Celaena’s done of her own volition is find the secret passage, and then she made up some lame, unrealistic reasons not to use it.

And now, instead of proactively getting herself involved in solving the gruesome murders, instead of snooping around (out of an innate sense of curiosity or concern or fear) to discover what the deal is with the gargoyles and the Wyrdmarks, some dead woman invades her dreams and drops the plot in Celaena’s lap.

Not only is Celaena not the badass this book thinks she is, she’s one of the least active/most passive heroines I’ve read in recent memory. She’s even worse than Kestrel. How the hell does an infamous magical assassin princess manage that?

It’s also a nightmare that only now, at the halfway point, do we arrive at the book’s real plot: unspecified evil’s about to open an unspecified portal and, uh, that’d be bad because evil, I guess.

Before you ask: no, I don’t count three brief, offhand references to a mutilated dog and a couple disemboweled criminals as sufficient build-up to this moment—especially because no one, including our cunning heroine and Captain of the Royal Guard Chaol, found the murders at all alarming.

And if Elena was going to magic herself into Celaena’s dreams to tell her about the gargoyles, the portal, the evil, and that Celaena really must win the competition, how could she neglect to mention what’s at stake if the evil succeeds in its evil plan? That is literally the most important piece of information Elena could’ve given her. Why couldn’t she have said, “There’s a great evil seeking entrance to your world, and you must stop it before it turns every living thing into puppies and destroys civilization as you know it, ooOOoo,” then poofed her ghost-self away and let Celaena figure out everything else on her own?

And why should Celaena and/or I care if the portal rips open, anyway? As far as we know, all that’d happen is more friendly dead Fae queens might come a-visiting from the other world.

If you want anyone (reader and protagonist alike) invested in the plot, we need to have some idea of what’ll happen if the protagonist fails. But nope. Here’s hoping Celaena figures the stakes out on her own in the next couple chapters, I guess.

Okay. We’re finishing the chapter. I can do this.

Celaena wakes up to find she’s holding “a coin-size gold amulet on a delicate chain,” Elena’s protection charm; upon seeing it, Celaena “fought the urge to scream.” For probably the first time ever, she’s feeling and acting on a totally reasonable and understandable emotion.

Celaena belatedly realizes the creepy passage door is ajar, and runs to shut it—seeing only then that the pretty woman in the tapestry is Elena. Which seems kind of weird; if I’d been sharing a bedroom with a life-size tapestry woman for a couple months, I’d probably recognize her if I saw her in a dream. Shouldn’t “keen observation skills” be high on a famous assassin’s repertoire of abilities?

She jumps back in bed, appropriately terrified (hallelujah), and mulls over how unexpected and potentially alarming it is to be a heroine in a book with an actual plot.

Something evil dwells in this castle . . . Destroy it . . . 

Didn’t she have enough to worry about right now? She was going to fulfill Elena’s second command [to win the competition]—but the first . . . that might lead her into trouble. It wasn’t like she could go poking around the castle whenever and wherever she pleased, either!

Says the WORLD RENOWNED ASSASSIN who (supposedly) laughs in the face of danger and difficulty, and who in fact spent the evening leisurely traipsing through the castle via its secret passages which are available to her from the secret door in her own goddamn bedroom.

Yes, being a real heroine might be too tough for you, Celaena. Maybe it’s time to call in Lady Kaltain.

But—if there was a threat like that, then not only her life was at risk. And while she’d be more than happy if some dark force somehow destroyed Cain, Perrington, the king, and Kaltain Rompier, if Nehemia, or even Chaol and Dorian, were somehow harmed . . .

Oh my god, Celaena, Kaltain’s done nothing to you but snub you a little because she though you were Dorian’s latest friend-with-benefits. Cain’s just been a hulk of a competitor in the competition, with a touch of attitude. And sure, Perrington made you bow to the king that one time, but what else has he done to you?

But hey, readers just can’t resist a heroine who’s salivating at the chance feed the people she doesn’t particularly like to a physical manifestations of pure evil, right?

Having decided she could at least poke around “for some clues” for the sake of the only three people worthy of living—i.e. the people who lavish her with the attention and admiration she so rightly deserves—Celaena ends the chapter. Praise the lord.

CHAPTER TALLIES

I AM APPALLED: 100+

I just. Guys.

Help.

You know what? No. I can help myself.

I’m going to take a break, just for a week. I’ve been immersed in Throne of Glass for almost two months, and I just spent three weeks slogging through The Winner’s Kiss, which was awful. I need to read something good for a change. The five-to-six-posts-per-week thing has been difficult on my hands anyway, and they need a break.

So recaps will resume on Monday, May 9th; in the meantime, I’ll be recuperating under a pile of my favorite comfort-reads. Keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers.

< PREVIOUS CHAPTER —  NEXT CHAPTER >

CHAPTER INDEX


19 thoughts on “Throne of Glass: Chapter 25

  1. Ah yes. I ummm can’t believe I said I enjoyed this book first time around. What was wrong with me? Each of these chapter reviews knock more memories back into my head. And frankly they scare me. Cause horrible horrible storytelling. I mean the number of scenes that take place in assassin’s bedroom! It’s a hopping place. I will so not waste anytime reading the rest of the series. I don’t blame you for taking a break. But I am excited to see your take on the next chapters . . . If you can bear to come back to it that is!
    x The Captain

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, nothing’s wrong with you! Tastes change over time, etc., etc. I’ve loved more than my share of (upon reflection) terrible books. It’s the natural state of things for booklovers, I think.

      But yeah, I’m so glad my bedroom’s less hopping than Celaena’s. Must be awful to be her.

      Thanks for the encouragement! Hopefully I’ll come back from the break energized and ready to tear through the book’s second half. 😀

      Like

  2. Fact: I own this book and will never read it. Thank you for these chapter recaps. She gets worse each chapter, and I’m not even reading it. Lol. 5 page dream? Yuck. Was that even necessary? I bet the author told you how wonderful and fabulous Celaena was for the hundredth time. And TWC is my BOTM, but I’ve decided to be a rebel and skip over it. I need a good book, too. I really liked this indie book I read and reviewed this week. None of the hype books are doing it for me. I wanted to read The Shadow Queen, and I opened it up tonight to only read 3 pages before closing it. I must have no attention span anymore unless it sucks me in on the first page.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure the book makes an excellent decoration on your bookshelf, at least!

      You rebel, you. That’s a great idea, skipping over to something you think you’ll enjoy. Think you’ll ditch Shadow Queen for something else, if you can’t get into it after a couple more tries?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s funny you ask. I bought The Raven Boys right after that. I think I’ll give that one a go. I’m still reading Red Rising, but I have no idea what he’s talking about. The way he describes their world isn’t like The 100, which I thought was easy to follow along. I have no idea what I’m reading in RR, but I promised my blogger friend I would finish it. She said wait about 200 pages before it gets good. I’ll read a chapter at a time I guess.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, I hope you like Raven Boys! It’s on my All-Time Favorites list. *Pets it.*

        Hm, I haven’t read Red Rising yet, but it’s lurking in my TBR. “Wait about 200 pages before it gets good” sounds alarming; books should be good from page one. If I’m told a book doesn’t get good for a couple hundred pages, alarm bells start going off. Keep me posted on what you think of it!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. “My precious,” Liam says, as he cradles The Raven Boys. Haha! It sounds really interesting. Every blogger says if I make it past the first book that I’ll be hooked on the rest. I hope I like it. I need something new to obsess over. Nothing is piquing my interest lately. Yeah, 200 pages. Can you believe that? And the world he’s describing in space makes zero sense to me. But everyone swears by the Red Rising series. I usually need to get sucked into the story by the second chapter for me to keep reading, which is probably why I put that one down and haven’t went back to it. I hope this twist 200 pages in blows my mind or I’ll be so annoyed. I’ll write a review after I read it, but at the rate I’m going, it might be a while. How many more chapters until you’re done with the Celaena drama?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. MY PRECIOUS. Yes, exactly. 😀

        Illogical worldbuilding is the worst. Do you think a mind-blowing plot twist would be able to make up for the frustration of the 200 pages before it? Or would it merely make the book passable?

        ToG is fifty-five chapters long, so I have thirty more chapters to post on the blog. Of those thirty, I’ve only read/written posts for ten, so I have about a third of the book left to read. I’m hoping I can knock those remaining twenty chapters out within a week or two, after I finish this break. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      5. He has too many weird names for things, and it’s not like I’ve ever been to space to even know what he’s talking about. I don’t think there’s one thing in the entire book that has a normal name so far. It’s hard keeping track, and the author mentions too many names of characters in the first chapter. It’s kinda info dumpy. That’s a major no no for me. The writing is good so there’s that. 55 chapters? Ugh! How will you ever finish it? It sounds so awful. I thought by now you must be near the conclusion. Good luck! I will admire the cover from my Kindle and never open it. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      6. An overload of weird names is never a good sign. But hurray for a good writing style! At least there’s that.

        Ha ha ha no I’m doomed for a few more weeks. Hope you finish Red Rising before I finish ToG; your (probably) ranty review will give me energy to continue.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Haha! I do love my ranty reviews. It’s funny how much easier it is for me to write a rant than a rave review. I should read T0G just so I can write the rant, but I think I’d end up DNF’ing that one pretty quick.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Rants are easier to write, it’s true. Yeah, I can’t see you reading much more than the first few chapters. But if you ever do, you know I’ll be fidgeting for your review!

        Liked by 1 person

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