Throne of Glass: Chapter 37


Previously on Throne of Glass, Celaena receives some Yulemas presents, and decides she needs to infiltrate tonight’s Yulemas ball.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 37

Celaena’s crammed into a pew for the Yulemas service, overwhelmingly self-conscious at the idea of anyone seeing her candy-reddened teeth. To prevent this blow to her dignity, she’s holding her lips so tightly closed that they hurt. Because pinched-white lips don’t look incredibly weird or noticeable, not at all.

The temple’s beautiful, the High Priestess does some generic religiony stuff, and our heroine’s bored out of her skull. Me too, Celaena, me too.

After just a few minutes of sitting, Celaena—the Greatest Assassin, she who has presumably exhibited great feats of silence, stillness, and patience over the course of her illustrious murdering career—gets squirmy as a toddler and asks Chaol what time it is. His response: a pinch on her arm to shut her up.

You know a man’s a true romantic hero when he treats the heroine like a dog he plans to abuse into abject submission.

The High Priestess must’ve agreed with my repeated complaints about Celaena’s fruitless research in the library, and kindly chooses to grace us with a tantalizing bit of potentially important plot information:

“Today is the day on which the Great Goddess gave birth to her firstborn, Lumas, Lord of the Gods. With his birth, love was brought into Erilea, and it banished the chaos that arose from the Gates of the Wyrd.”

Celaena’s response? She falls immediately asleep.

(I’ve found that a neatly-folded towel laid across the table does wonders to both dull the sound and reduce the furniture-damage of an intense headdesking.)

Time skip! She slept through almost the entire service (I’m laughing out loud here, incredulous), and Chaol is pissed. Why didn’t you employ a few more stealthy applications of physical abuse to keep her awake, Chaol? That’s what all the other sexy guys would do.

Oh—he didn’t keep her awake because he’d fallen asleep, himself. In that case: take your pissiness and shove it, Chaol.

They’re conveniently awake in time to watch the last part of the service: nine blindfolded children dressed up like the gods walk through the congregation. If a child stops in front of you and gives you the item they’re holding, you’ve been blessed by that god.

The God of War’s child representative stops in front of Dorian, then sidesteps the prince to give a blessing to Duke Perrington.

Meanwhile, the child representing the Goddess of the Hunt and Maidens stops in front of Celaena, how unexpected. The little girl removes her blindfold, touches Celaena’s forehead (which, don’t forget, is probably blasting magical Wyrdmark light all over the place), and blesses our heroine. Because if there’s one more thing our assassin heroine needs to flesh her out as a character, it’s to be divinely chosen by the Goddess of the Hunt.

Celaena’s about as stoked by all this as I am; she responds with “dread and dismay,” and only grudgingly accepts the golden arrow the child offers her, thinking she can sell it off and put the money to some (unspecified) good use later.

Chaol looks on with a weird expression that Celaena can’t read—but whatever it is, it puts her in a great mood. Nothing boosts one’s spirits quite as effectively as seeing the person one likes/loves in a state of deep internal conflict, am I right?

This chapter was approximately three pages long, hallelujah.

CHAPTER TALLIES

We’re told Celaena’s A Total Badass: 0!

Celaena proves she’s A Total Badass: 0

I groaned aloud: 3

Celaena does absolutely anything to further the plot: 0

On one hand, I really hope the golden arrow won’t be plot-significant later on; Celaena’s already had one useful trinket dropped in her lap by a heavenly being.

On the other hand, if the arrow isn’t significant, I’ll be so annoyed that I had to sit through this scene—even though it was only three pages long.

I can see it going either way. Celaena’s an incredibly inactive heroine, so of course the relevant information and doodads would have to be handed to her; and the book’s thick with unnecessary scenes that serve not much more function than to exasperate me.

Can’t wait to see how this one turns out.

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CHAPTER INDEX


17 thoughts on “Throne of Glass: Chapter 37

  1. Just found your blog, and while I freely proclaim my love for all the ToG books, these posts are HILARIOUS. I’ll agree that whenever they start talking about the gods/goddesses/lineage it’s basically “blah blah blah I will never remember this for when it is inadvertently applicable in the future.” It’s like I need a family tree next to me, but that’s too much work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello there, and welcome to my mess! 😀

      Wear your ToG love proudly; there’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of in loving books (even if they’re books other people love to snark on). High fives.

      Gotta say, I’m excited to hear that the books go further into the lineage stuff than just “Elena is Celaena’s distant relative,” and “There’s a Goddess who birthed stuff back in the day.” Sounds like there’s a lot more world-building going on later in the series than there has been thus far in ToG. Three cheers for that!

      But yeah, I’m not typically a fan of books that require you to figure out extensive family trees. That can get frustrating fast.

      Thank you for commenting! 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh gosh, I think you may host my new favourite blog.
    It’s hilarious how thoroughly you pick this apart!
    The series really does go into way more depth with it’s character and world building, but I do agree that Celaena is sort of a brat.
    They way everyone ranted about this series, and Celaena in particular, I expected to adore her, but most of the time I just roll my eyes at her reactions to certain situations. She’s not ‘badass’ and ‘independent’, she’s childish and stubborn.
    Actually now I think about it, she may be my least favourite character in the series. She gets better at least, but I don’t agree with how she acts half the time.

    But I digress. Yes, consider me a super fan 🙂
    Of you, not Celaena.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you so much! That makes me ridiculously happy, you have no idea. 😀

      I’ve heard that the series improves over time, and that Celaena becomes a generally more enjoyable character to read about. But I’ve also heard that neither of those things are true. I’m mystified and intrigued!

      That’s awful, that the protagonist is your least favorite character in a series. 🙁 But hopefully that means you really loved some of the other characters, and that love was enough to keep you reading?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s hilarious, for realsies.
        The series definitely improves as a whole, and although she’s not QUITE as brattish as before, she still has some serious moments. I think people confuse ‘badass’ with ‘being an a-hole’.
        Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily dislike her character, but the other characters are just so much more enjoyable and relatable.
        And I think they redeem themselves more if they’ve made a mistake.
        I read a lot of reviews for Heir of Fire where everyone was raving abut Celaena and ragging on another character for their choices and how they acted, and when I read it I thought the complete opposite. I though she was overly harsh on this character and that, yes they had screwed up, but it only made them more relatable as a character and her farther away from it.
        People mess up, sometimes in a big way, and it irks me when a heroine or MC just doesn’t accept that.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I completely agree with you on the common misconception that a self-centered jerk is a badass. Actually, I’d been thinking about writing a follow-up post to this read-along, in which I explain exactly why Celaena isn’t a “strong female character” in this particular book. (But I suspect everyone’ll be sick of my ToG-related posts by then–I’ll have been doing this for three months at this point–so maybe not.)

        Ugh, that’s awful to hear–that readers are en masse jumping down a character’s throat for messing up, and supporting the character who judges too harshly. I can’t say Celaena’s harshness surprises me, though; ToG seems specifically tailored to brainwash readers into believing she’s infallible and perfect in all ways, while everyone else is (to various degrees) beneath her.

        It is so true. Sounds like we might have some pet peeves in common!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It’s the whole ‘strong, independent female lead’ thing that bugs me. Having a character insist on doing everything alone, and being too stubborn to ask for help is so annoying. I’d rather read about a character who is secure enough and mature enough to ask for help when things get a little too rough, and Celaena just doesn’t ever do that.
        I’m making it come across that I didn’t like her or these books, but it’s far from the truth, I love these books so much, and I do like Celaena a lot, it’s other peoples response toward her that bugs me so much. It happens a lot with female leads, so many people rave about how badass someone is, or how relatable a character is and I just…I don’t get it. I always end up feeling the exact opposite.
        Fangirl was just, the absolute worst. So many people insisted that the main character was such a relatable character and I honestly just wanted to give her kick up the bum to get over herself! Your life isn’t that complex, just chill the flip out!
        I would read it if you did 😛
        I was going to re-read ToG soon, now I’m just going to read your views on it instead!
        I think you’ll feel the same way I did about the whole Heir of Fire/Queen of Shadows situation. It got me so wound up how much of an ass she was being. Actually, the whole situation starts toward the end of Crown of Midnight, and initially it pissed me off so much that I put the book down for a month to calm myself down.
        But I really do love the story and how much it develops over time, and the characters that are introduced along the way. And I think, that maybe the bad situation is finally resolved as of the end of Queen of Shadows and she’s finally gotten over herself and forgiven the other character.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Amen.

        It sounds like you approached the series with an admirable combination of open-mindedness (ready to enjoy it) and critical-mindedness (thinking it all over rather than just swallowing it whole). That’s a fantastic way to read! I’m glad to hear you love the series; that gives me hope that I might be able to fall in love with it, too. 😀

        You’re maybe the second or third person I’ve heard say that about Fangirl’s protagonist. I’ll be a lot more cautious going into it, now.

        Glad to provide you with an alternate ToG reading experience! Sometimes it’s nice to shake things up a bit, huh?

        Holy crap, you had to put Crown of Midnight down for a whole month? That says a lot. Ugh, why do you have to be piquing my curiosity like this? I have too many other things to read before I can keep pushing through this series. Dies.

        For your sake, I hope the Celaena situation sorts itself out smoothly and realistically, and doesn’t have a negative impact on the series’ conclusion.

        Like

      5. Well, high fantasy is my favourite genre, but on the other hand, sometimes I just want to read some gushy lovey dovey rubbish, so I was super excited about this because it was sort of a combination of both, so I knew I would love it for the most part, but I studied media and film making in college, so I have a tendency to be critical about everything.
        So instead of just blindly following and supporting everything one character will do, I’ll look at everyone else’ point of view in the scene.
        Then again, I’m sort of a crazy person.
        Cath from Fangirl, she’s honestly so bad it’s painful. I was a weird, awkward kid, and an even weirder teenager, and I wasn’t anywhere near as awkward as this character is. And it’s about the dumbest stuff!
        “hrmmm, I’m going to College, I’m too awkward to make new friends! how dare my sister want to enjoy her experience here and I don’t. What a backstabber she is.”
        I think I’m just too old for that jazz!
        As soon as teenage angst BS starts up – I’m out!
        It’s like an abridged version of the book, and I love it.
        Yup, a whole month. It was her reaction to this big plot point, and what she does as a result and I just didn’t get it. I thought maybe I missed something, I could understand her being upset, but she was so over the top about how cruel she was to this other character.
        On the other hand, something happens in Queen of Shadows that everyone was pretty peeved over, and it’s one of the only times I’ve thought yes, Celaena’s finally made a right choice, but so little people actually agreed. I feel like I’m reading a totally different book from everyone else, because I have the exact opposite reactions. So hopefully that’s a good sign for things to come, maybe she finally is redeeming herself 😀

        And I’m sorry, but I feel your pain. So many books to read!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Your college education must’ve been awesome. 😀

        Yeah, no. I don’t know if Cath and I will get along. That example you gave is a definite turn-off.

        “As soon as teenage angst BS starts up – I’m out!”

        Ha! Amen.

        I’ll definitely hope it’s a good sign for her eventual redemption, for your sake. Every finger is crossed!

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Actually, I dropped out of college. I attended for 7 months and I hadn’t learned a single thing I didn’t know yet. I was paying money to attend classes that I had already taken in high school.
        I do really want you to finish the series (or what we have of it so far) to hear your opinions on things that happen, because I have a feeling you’ll have the exact same thoughts as me.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Oof, that must’ve been so frustrating, to be wasting money for nothing. That’s awful.

        I think you’re right–but just in case, I won’t read any of your reviews for the series, so I’m not influenced by your insights. We can compare notes as I read more of the series. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  3. “(I’ve found that a neatly-folded towel laid across the table does wonders to both dull the sound and reduce the furniture-damage of an intense headdesking.)” Excellent thinking. Towel, towel…

    “take your pissiness and shove it, Chaol.” Lol! XD

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “The High Priestess must’ve agreed with my repeated complaints about Celaena’s fruitless research in the library, and kindly chooses to grace us with a tantalizing bit of potentially important plot information:

    Celaena’s response? She falls immediately asleep.”

    OKAY. BUT LIKE. WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANYTHING. (I’m definitely taking your advice on that neatly folded towel for head-desking.)

    I’d be so much more willing to give Celaena chances to redeem herself as an assassin/all around character if she just tried a little.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, I’m glad my advice was helpful; the book has damaged you enough already, I’m sure.

      “WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANYTHING.”

      THIS.

      There are a thousand potential ways to make Celaena an engaging character, and it’s genuinely upsetting that the book never bothered with one.

      Like

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