Throne of Glass: Chapter 42


Previously on Throne of Glass, Devout Scholar Celaena’s endless research pays off, and she’s amazed to discover it’s Cain, not Nehemia, who’s involved in the murders.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 42

Celaena’s still in the corridor, watching Cain be evil from a discreet distance. “Well,” she eventually decides, “this could explain why Cain’s been steadily transforming into the Hulk over these last several months.” Keen observation, that one.

Cain wiggles his bloody fingers around or something, and the ridderak emerges from the darkness. It’s all “hairless gray skin” and “misshapen head” and “black fangs” and a “vaguely human body,” and overall looks super ugly—like “something out of an ancient god’s nightmares,” because the younger gods would’ve had the decency to nightmare up something more imaginative.

The nightmare creature touchingly displays its fealty to Cain before hearing Celaena panicking out in the corridor. “Hey look, dinnertime,” Cain tells the ridderak, and then—before our stunned heroine can so much as blink—he disarms Celaena and locks her in the room with the creature. But not before monologueing a bit, like a good villain:

“Pity,” Cain whispered from the doorway, pocketing her knife. [ . . . ] “I’ll never get to know how you wound up down here in the first place.” His fingers wrapped around the door handle. “Not that I care. Good-bye, Celaena.”

  1. If you don’t care how she got into the secret tunnels, why bring it up?
  2. It’s safe to assume she came through the secret tunnels, which you could explore to your little heart’s content.

Because this is such an awkward and forced thing for him to say, I strongly suspect it’s going to be relevant later. Perhaps to explain why the creature never enters her room from the secret passage?

But back to our heroine, who’s locked in a room with a starving dude-creature. She spares a moment to angst about how Chaol “would forever curse her” for disappearing on him (uh, why?) and how she’d never get to apologize to Nehemia for suspecting her of serial murder—when lo, she remembers something:

And Elena—Elena said someone wanted her in the tomb, to see . . . to see what?

And then she knew.

The answer lay on her right—the right passageway, the passage that led to the tomb a few levels below.

Uh, what?

I’ve grown rather accustomed to being five or ten steps ahead of Celaena in the critical-thinking department, yet here she’s managed to blow right past me. I believe this odor I’m smelling is authorial interference, because the Celaena I know is incapable of whatever leaps in logic were required for her to land on, uh, whatever solution she’s landed on.

I’ll also pause here to note that it took her approximately five seconds to figure out her plan. Quick thinker, our Celaena.

Celaena’s plan, we’re assured, is “the most reckless and brave plan she’d ever concocted,” despite the fact that recklessness and bravery are kind of on opposite ends of the “mentality when about to do something risky” spectrum, so who knows how she pulls that off. The plan begins with stepping out of the way when the ridderak charges at her, so it breaks down the wooden door behind her. Such recklessness, such bravery.

The door shatters and she bravely runs away, straight for Elena’s tomb. No, we still don’t know why. But as she’s chugging along, she thinks:

Someone wanted me to come here on Samhuinn. Someone knew this would happen. Elena wanted me to see it—so I could survive.

  1. How unexpected, that Queen “I don’t know any more about this situation than you do” Elena knew this would happen, and ensured Celaena would know where to run to for safety.
  2. How unexpected, that the answer to Celaena’s problem was dropped into her lap by a heavenly being, and that the answer was immediately remembered within moments of Celaena finding herself in danger.
  3. How unexpected, the boredom I’m feeling right now.

Celaena’s hauling ass toward the tomb, and HOW UNEXPECTED, “[t]he door to the tom was wide open. As if someone had been waiting.” 

Is it nap time? It feels like nap time.

She dives into the tomb and finally we learn her plan: there’s a sword in there that she can use to sword-fight the creature to death. Are we finally going to see our assassin kill something other than my will to live? Say it isn’t so.

The sword’s at least a thousand years old, but glitters and shines like it’s not a day over twenty. The first thing she does with the sword: drive it straight through the creature’s face, killing it.

That was surprisingly anticlimactic.

Feeling a little shocky, Celaena pries her right hand out of the thing’s mouth (my only consolation: she didn’t survive unhurt), puts the sword back, thanks Elena for the helpful tip, and shambles zombie-like back to her bedroom, where she collapses. Looks like the creature’s bite might be venomous, and she’s on death’s door after all. Fun!

But heaven forbid the chapter end here, with the uncertainty of Celaena’s survival urging us on to the next chapter. No, before we have a chance to get concerned about Celaena’s well-being, Nehemia barges in and heals her with a carefully-administered combination of bathwater, some pretty turquoise Wyrdmarks, and some full-body cuddling.

CHAPTER TALLIES

We’re told Celaena’s A Total Badass: 0

Celaena proves she’s A Total Badass: 0

Powerful moments that were actually anticlimactic: 3

Yep, definitely nap time.

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CHAPTER INDEX


34 thoughts on “Throne of Glass: Chapter 42

  1. “I’ve grown rather accustomed to being five or ten steps ahead of Celaena in the critical-thinking department, yet here she’s managed to blow right past me.”

    I don’t believe I read that right. 😂😂 I can’t even begin to explain my confusion. This chapter was so unnecessary. A nap would do me a lot of good. No doubt I’ll wake up just as confused.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my sweet lord, bless you for saving me from reading this, bless you a thousand times. I almost did and Oh my lord! It kills me that we have yet to see what her assassinliness does to earn her reputation as the very best at all things murdery.
    Furthermore, there is no human being with a functional level of brain activity who could think that two people would get their organs squished out in the course of two drunken brawls. THEIR BRAINS WERE REMOVED! What kind of drunken brawls go on in this castle?!? And as for these murders being a FLUKE! A FLUKE!!?? I could not BELIEVE that when I read it. I choked on my coffee.
    And oh lord this chapter, how does Nehemia know to show up just then to save our plucky heroine? Or does she too just make a habit of walking into and out of Celeana’s room uninvited?
    And so loving the jerk behaviour of the men in her life being dressed up as romantic. Why do YA authors seem to think that dudes walking into a girls room uninvited and staring at her while she sleeps is hot? Because ewww and no.
    Loving the snark though. I can only imagine that reading this is about three hundred thousand times better than reading the book. I have laughed even as I despaired.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s my goal to serve and protect. Salutes.

      EXACTLY. It’s ABSURD. Oh my god just thinking about it’s getting me all riled up again.

      You know what else keeps me up at night? The possibility that younger readers are seeing Dorian and Chaol’s (and Edward Cullen’s, etc.) behavior and deciding that’s how they want their significant others to behave. Also: jerks seeing how swoony readers get over these asshole characters, and high-fiveing themselves because they can continue to be dicks AND get fawned over as being SO ROMANTIC.

      Flails a bit.

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! I’d hoped other people would agree with me, that this book is best approached with snark and dick jokes to offset its outrageousness. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I 100% agree with your worry about the impact this is having on young readers! I found twilight really worrying, not just poorly written. Partly because the relationship it glorified was controlling and often sailed way past the point of emotional abuse. But also, I really hated that in the final book Bella was pregnant (at 18!), and the pregnancy was killing her, but she refused an abortion! Great message for young girls! Get married and then rapidly pregnant instead of taking up your place at an Ivy League school, and then, if the pregnancy becomes life threatening to you, under no circumstances take action to save your life. Your 18 year old life!! I don’t know if you agree but I found this actually horrific.
        And this book seems almost as bad! The fact that Chaol more than once uses some form of pain to chastise Celaena, and that both he and Dorian view her room/life/body as something they can discuss/invade/use at will is really a great example of how not to boyfriend. Ever! It would be totally cool if the author reflected how wrong this is in the prose, but it seems she does not. Instead we are all encouraged to swoon at their manly forcefulness. All of the no.
        I hope on behalf of you, women, the genre and literature that this suddenly improves, but since this seems super unlikely I will just say that I’m looking forward to further hilarious snarkitude. 😃 definitely the best way to approach this!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can’t even express how much I agree with you. I only read the first book in the series, and was so appalled that I couldn’t keep reading; I found snarks of the subsequent books instead. And thank goodness for that, because I needed to see my own rage reflected in another reader as I was experiencing it, to know I wasn’t the only one enraged. It’s fucking awful.

        “The fact that Chaol more than once uses some form of pain to chastise Celaena, and that both he and Dorian view her room/life/body as something they can discuss/invade/use at will is really a great example of how not to boyfriend.”

        I love the way you phrased this! I wish I could highlight this comment somehow, so future readers would be sure to notice it. “All of the no,” indeed.

        Hey, at least we get something good out of all these poorly written books! Snark is better than weeping quietly in a corner, for sure. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I wish I’d read the rest of the twilight books in snark form too. That would have been a great comfort. Thank god though, that I’m seeing a lot of rejection of the Bella Swann guide to life nowadays. It was awful when everyone was all over it. 😣
        Also, so true, no matter how e grade literature, we always have the comfort of a grade sarcasm. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well I actually think you’re pretty hilarious, hence inhaling the whole read along in one sitting and laughing very much 😀 but this looks great too. I randomly dipped into a bit on the third book and saw the phrase “Edward tried to commit suicide by public sparkling”, almost chokes on laughter I forgot how dumb that was! I’ll read/inhale and we can totally share the fankid love 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. omfg, I remember seeing one of your earlier posts like this but I need to go back and read the others because yes! this is much more entertaining than the actual book haha. Though I did really love Heir of Fire. Crown of Midnight was a big ball of BLAH xD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahaha, yay! I’m glad to give you a chance to relive the, uh, excitement of ToG, in a more enjoyable format. 😀

      I’ve been hearing so many mixed things about the later books; my interest is definitely piqued. Glad you loved Heir of Fire, and hopefully you love whatever the last book’s called!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha yess, when I first read ToG there was so much pressure to LOVE it that really made me feel ambivalent about the whole thing. And Heir of Fire is amazing because Manon Blackbeak ❤ will you be doing these read along posts for the rest of the books? It seems like a lot of work lol, but it would be awesome if you did!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t know who this Manon Blackbeak is, but that’s one killer name.

        There’s a decent-to-good chance that I’ll do the sequel, but I’m not sure I have the energy to go through the entire series. And if the books improve steadily, I would switch over from snarking to giving actual critiques, anyway.

        So: no promises, but we’ll see! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh she’s definitely as killer as her name ^_~ she’s the main reason I’m continuing the series haha. Very true! Hope you enjoy the books regardless 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  4. “because the younger gods would’ve had the decency to nightmare up something more imaginative.” nearly suffocates laughing

    “I believe this odor I’m smelling is authorial interference” perhaps Celaena’s momentarily dropped her giant idiot-ball?

    I know you’re likely as mystified by this as I am, but… if someone wants to write a juvenile and degrading lust triangle, and has no interest in political intrigue or action, then WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS LITERARY WOULD THEY CHOOSE AN “ASSASSIN” AS THEIR PRIMARY PROTAGONIST?! WHY?!! …there have got to be better options than breaking faith with one’s readers in such a way. I don’t care what genre or style one writes in. Premises are promises, and they should be kept.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, whew, I’m glad you liked the younger-gods-nightmare joke. I sweated over that one before I posted it. BEING FUNNY IS SO HARD.

      Yeah, I can’t imagine who would think that’s a good idea–except oops, this author’s famous and rich now, so there’s officially a precedent for other aspiring authors (who don’t care about realism and following up on the promises of their plot) to follow. Head-desk.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. So glad to hear it! 😀

      I won’t lie, I was so pleased to have such a perfect opportunity to insert Sir Robin in there. A light practically beamed down upon my computer from the heavens, guiding my hand. It felt great.

      Do you have any snarkable book recommendations? I have a book already in mind for the next one, but would love any suggestions you might have!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am horrible at recommending books. The only one that comes to mind is the mazerunner because I was pretty disappointed when I read it (a guy who keeps complaining about nobody wanting to be his friend despite him snapping at just about everyone about EVERYTHING.) But I don’t know if that book is your jam/if you’ve already read that (I’m totally adding you on goodreads to find out more on this front!)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nope, haven’t read it–and oh lord, it sounds insufferable (in a possibly very snarkable way). Thanks for the suggestion!

        My Goodreads account is linked to my blog, so it only shows the books that I’ve reviewed here. Maybe a bad choice on my part, and something I need to reconsider. But hurray, Goodreads buddies! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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