Previously on Throne of Glass, Celaena convinces Handsome Thief Nox to drop out of the competition. Later, she gets hot and heavy with Dorian.
Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold, it’s paraphrased snark.
Dorian’s lust for Celaena, too hot to be endured, has sent him into the frozen forest to cool off. Someone needs to invent and install cold showers for the poor guy; he’s having an awful time out there in the snow.
He saw her face each time he closed his eyes. She haunted his thoughts, made him wish to do grand and wonderful things in her name, made him want to be a man who deserved to wear a crown.
That’s all well and good, but if you’re going to convince me you mean any of that, I’d like some solid examples of these grand deeds your
loins are heart is aching to perform. a simple bulleted list would suffice. As it stands, you’re all angsty whispers and no follow-through.
He’d gone too far; he should never have kissed her. Because now, no matter how he might have once envisioned his future, or who he thought he’d spend it with, he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else—wanting anyone else.
Boy, you sure went from “I MUST DO HER AT ALL COSTS” to “I should never have dared touch her tonsils with my gentle-hearted tongue” in no time flat. What was that, three chapters? None of which were told from your perspective?
Scene change and POV hop! Celaena’s standing at her balcony doors, “staring down at Rifthold,” which is impressive of her, seeing as how her balcony is on a lower level and overlooks a castle garden. I guess she could be seeing some rooftops in the distance, but that just doesn’t sound as cool.
She’d told her guards she didn’t want any visitors tonight, and to turn away even Chaol and Dorian if they arrived.
THIS WAS AN OPTION THE WHOLE TIME? Oh my god this book.
As I lean my forehead against the wall of my despair, Celaena rests hers against the glass of the balcony door, wondering about the upcoming duel, about Cain’s physical abilities, about whether it’d be “more honorable to fall in the duel” than be sent back to the salt mines of Endovier or become the King’s Champion.
Pssst. Escape route. Waiting for you. Any day now.
Also: what exactly does your idea of honor consist of? You’ve never told us, but it’s clearly not the same as mine, seeing as how you’re so willing to bow in servitude to the guy who literally destroyed everything and everyone you held dear.
She remembers, quite poetically, the pathetic bundle of angry twigs she’d been in the mines of Endovier, and marvels at the change in her that the nearness of two sexy dudes hath wrought:
Perhaps there were other reasons to fight tomorrow. Perhaps a few months in the castle hadn’t been enough. Perhaps . . . perhaps she wanted to stay here for reasons other than her eventual freedom. That was one thing that hopeless assassin from Endovier would have never believed.
But it was true. She wanted to stay.
Oh, don’t worry about fleshing out your desire to make it seem more plausible; just repeating “I want to stay” as a fact and leaving it at that is totally sufficient, yep.
And then holy crap, a demon-thing breaks through the secret tunnel door and—just kidding, the chapter ends with Celaena still staring out her window, having accomplished exactly nothing.
We’re told Celaena’s A Total Badass: 1
Celaena proves she’s A Total Badass: 0
Anyone does absolutely anything to advance the plot: 0
Only nine chapters left, you guys. We can do this.