Throne of Glass: Chapter 46


Previously on Throne of Glass, Celaena convinces Handsome Thief Nox to drop out of the competition. Later, she gets hot and heavy with Dorian.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 46

Dorian’s lust for Celaena, too hot to be endured, has sent him into the frozen forest to cool off. Someone needs to invent and install cold showers for the poor guy; he’s having an awful time out there in the snow.

He saw her face each time he closed his eyes. She haunted his thoughts, made him wish to do grand and wonderful things in her name, made him want to be a man who deserved to wear a crown.

That’s all well and good, but if you’re going to convince me you mean any of that, I’d like some solid examples of these grand deeds your loins are heart is aching to perform. a simple bulleted list would suffice. As it stands, you’re all angsty whispers and no follow-through.

He’d gone too far; he should never have kissed her. Because now, no matter how he might have once envisioned his future, or who he thought he’d spend it with, he couldn’t imagine being with anyone else—wanting anyone else.

Boy, you sure went from “I MUST DO HER AT ALL COSTS” to “I should never have dared touch her tonsils with my gentle-hearted tongue” in no time flat. What was that, three chapters? None of which were told from your perspective?

Scene change and POV hop! Celaena’s standing at her balcony doors, “staring down at Rifthold,” which is impressive of her, seeing as how her balcony is on a lower level and overlooks a castle garden. I guess she could be seeing some rooftops in the distance, but that just doesn’t sound as cool.

She’d told her guards she didn’t want any visitors tonight, and to turn away even Chaol and Dorian if they arrived.

THIS WAS AN OPTION THE WHOLE TIME? Oh my god this book.

As I lean my forehead against the wall of my despair, Celaena rests hers against the glass of the balcony door, wondering about the upcoming duel, about Cain’s physical abilities, about whether it’d be “more honorable to fall in the duel” than be sent back to the salt mines of Endovier or become the King’s Champion.

Pssst. Escape route. Waiting for you. Any day now.

Also: what exactly does your idea of honor consist of? You’ve never told us, but it’s clearly not the same as mine, seeing as how you’re so willing to bow in servitude to the guy who literally destroyed everything and everyone you held dear.

She remembers, quite poetically, the pathetic bundle of angry twigs she’d been in the mines of Endovier, and marvels at the change in her that the nearness of two sexy dudes hath wrought:

Perhaps there were other reasons to fight tomorrow. Perhaps a few months in the castle hadn’t been enough. Perhaps . . . perhaps she wanted to stay here for reasons other than her eventual freedom. That was one thing that hopeless assassin from Endovier would have never believed.

But it was true. She wanted to stay.

Oh, don’t worry about fleshing out your desire to make it seem more plausible; just repeating “I want to stay” as a fact and leaving it at that is totally sufficient, yep.

And then holy crap, a demon-thing breaks through the secret tunnel door and—just kidding, the chapter ends with Celaena still staring out her window, having accomplished exactly nothing.

CHAPTER TALLIES

We’re told Celaena’s A Total Badass: 1

Celaena proves she’s A Total Badass: 0

Anyone does absolutely anything to advance the plot: 0

Only nine chapters left, you guys. We can do this.

< PREVIOUS CHAPTER —  NEXT CHAPTER >

CHAPTER INDEX


42 thoughts on “Throne of Glass: Chapter 46

    1. Aw, yay! I’m glad to hear it! 😀

      It’s possible, but I’m currently pretty tired of Celaena & Gang; I’ll need at least a few months away from them before picking up the sequel. We’ll see!

      Like

      1. I definitely agree, chapter snarks should be easier to find!

        I’d love to make this a regular feature, and I’m planning to do Born at Midnight by C.C. Hunter next. But I’ll admit this was a lot more time-consuming and exhausting than I’d anticipated, so I probably won’t be churning them out constantly (unfortunately). It helps to know that people actually want to read them, though! I feel reinvigorated, so thank you. 😀

        Like

      2. I can imagine! I haven’t ever written one myself but it does seem to require a lot of work, what with needing to quote and thinking of a funny way to describe things… but yeah, I’ve been loving what you have here so I’ll take anything. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh MY GOSH: “THIS WAS AN OPTION THE WHOLE TIME? Oh my god this book.” I’m genuinely laughing because I can’t take this seriously anymore. Where were the guards when they were walking into her room uninvited? I can’t even.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have not the slightest clue. I’d love to sit down with some YA editors and publishers, and find out how things like this end up on shelves. I mean, obviously they made tons of money off of this book–so somebody must have read it and realized it was the right combination of [potential popularity] and [minimal effort on their part] to be worthwhile. But how? It’s a mystery.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I mean, this has actually got me thinking. It turns out I might have to just put zero effort into writing my own book, and it might sell more? Don’t know if I’m willing to take the risk.

        Also, this is a brilliant read along – completely forget to mention how much I laughed last night. Can’t wait to read the next chapter (correction: can’t wait to read your snark.) 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’ve wondered exactly the same thing: should I be writing poorly-plotted YA paranormal romances and selling them for cheap on Amazon, or should I spend the time writing well, and hope a major publisher likes my story well enough to pick it up? Because the former option seems more lucrative.

        Ha! Glad to make you laugh, and give you something to look forward to. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my god, your snark on Dorian’s lust. I snorted. This is brilliant. I really hope you read Crown of Midnight. Or just mash these chapters into a book and sell it; this is gold. Can’t wait for the next chapter!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Note to myself : stop reading these chapters when in a room full of people who don’t know what laughing is. I almost gave an old lady a heart attack because of you!
    I should print your posts and hand them around.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no! My apologies to the old lady. (But you’ll have to excuse me if I’m super pleased over here.) 😀

      Side note: I don’t know why my blog keeps holding your comments for moderation instead of letting them go through automatically. I guess it thinks you and your dog look suspicious? Shakes a fist.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This book… How? 🙈 I read one page last week and was like the hell with this crap. I love how she never proves she’s a badass in your tallies. This book makes no sense the more I read your recaps. Your snark makes up for the lack of enjoyment in this book. 😉 I guess they didn’t do a very good job editing if she’s on a lower floor looking down. When I saw the size of these books at Books-A-Million the other day I took a picture. It’s a reminder not to read it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! I love that you couldn’t even get past a single page. You have discerning taste–not that that’s a surprise.

      If you ever need further reminders not to read this, you know where to find me; I’d be happy to help.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I’m like that with everything in life. You should see me trying out new foods I’m a nightmare. Lol. I’m determined to read the first chapter. One of these days I’ll knuckle down and read it in one sitting, eye rolls, snorts and all. Haha! Yup, I’ll find ya. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

    1. NO, DON’T DIE. WE ONLY JUST MET.

      I might pick up the second book, but it’ll be months before I do; I need a break from Celaena. And I’ve heard the series improves over time–so at some point (if I do read the entire series) I’d probably switch over from snarks to regular reviews. Snarking a decent book probably wouldn’t be as fun. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I vanished because my cat, Asher, died and made me more even more introverted than normal. But now I find myself missing the snark, so I am back.

    “Pssst. Escape route. Waiting for you. Any day now.” If only… Then again, you haven’t yet taken the escape route of feeding this book to a tank of starving silverfish, so…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no, I am so sorry for your loss (months late as I am to read about it). I don’t blame you at all for retreating while you mourn. Hopefully you’re in a better place now, since it has been a few months.

      Honestly, the idea of maintaining a tank of silverfish just about turned my stomach. All those legs? Shudders. But hey, it does sound more effective than idle manx-chewing. Hmm…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. The manx is still alive, and after the loss of Asher, who was his protector, has grown closer to me, so that has helped. It’s always tough to lose fur-family, though.

        I am ok with most arthropods, but silverfish are up there on the creepy-scale for sure. Plus, being a librarian, they are among my professional arch-enemies. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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