Previously on Throne of Glass, Dorian convinces King Dad not to take Nehemia hostage. Later, Nehemia info-dumps the details of her heroine-esque deeds and abilities.
Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold, it’s paraphrased snark.
Yet another chapter/section that begins with Celaena waking up. Hurray.
Oh, and even better: she wakes up to see Dorian entering her bedroom. HURRAY.
Dorian’s dressed and ready for ultimate angst. He whispers that she looks like hell, then clenches his jaw and stares at the window. With more patience than I could exhibit, Celaena asks him what his deal is.
“I—I don’t know,” he said. The vacant, lost look in his eyes increased the tempo of her heart. “I haven’t been able to sleep since the duel.”
That’s touching, but I’ve waded through 384 pages of his misty murmurings, and I am so done with him.
The scene progresses exactly as you imagine it would. He sits on her bed, stiffens when she tries to comfort him, puts his face in his hands, mumbles and groans responses to her questions, etc. What a sexy beast this guy is, I can totally see why everyone’s hot for him.
With her permission, he shucks his shoes and gets cozy in her bed. So of course it’s time to turn the angst knob up a touch: she asks if Chaol has managed to recover from the trauma of killing someone in defense of innocent lives under his care. Dorian’s answer, in short: “Not yet, but he’ll get over it.” God, I hope so; Dorian’s angst is plenty.
Dorian touches Celaena’s face and apologizes for not saving her during the duel, to which she replies:
“You shouldn’t be sorry,” she said, not wanting to speak about the horrors that she’d seen, or of Kaltain’s treachery, or what Nehemia had confided in her.
Kaltain’s treachery? That’s a hilariously melodramatic exaggeration, seeing as how you were never anything but openly hateful and antagonistic to Kaltain.
Celaena snuggles up to him, and the pair decides that hey, we’re halfway through this chapter, time to piss Liam off:
“Dorian,” she began, and he flicked her on the nose. “Ow,” she said, wrinkling her nose. Though her face was peppered with bruises, miraculously, Cain hadn’t marred her in any permanent way, though the cut on the leg would leave yet another scar.
- Oh, yeah, “miraculously” indeed. Glad our precious heroine won’t have to suffer the horror of a crooked nose or a couple missing teeth or oh I don’t know a scar anywhere easily visible to reduce her hotness rating.
- Dorian, get your fucking fingers away from her nose. She’s a mess of fractured ribs, strained muscles, cuts, and bruises—including all over her face, which Cain had thoroughly pulverized. She looks like hell and feels worse, and you’re going to add to it by flicking her face? The fuck, dude.
Celaena asks if he had expected her to win all along, and he replies, essentially, “No shit. But I didn’t expect you to also win my heart.” Then they smooch.
Scene change and POV hop!
Seated on his glass throne, the King of Adarlan stroked Nothung’s pommel.
Hold on a sec, I snorted so hard I choked.
Duke Perrington’s kneeling before the king, but the king’s got some serious thinking to do before he acknowledges the duke. Specifically:
Though the assassin was his Champion, he had yet to send her the contract. She was close to both his son and Princess Nehemia; would appointing her somehow be a risk?
SERIOUSLY? Oh my god, you’re where Dorian got his smarts, aren’t you? I should’ve known.
But the Captain of the Guard trusted the assassin well enough to save her life. The king’s face became like stone. He wouldn’t punish Chaol Westfall—if only to avoid Dorian raising hell in the captain’s defense.
Come on, what’s the worst Dorian can do? Stamp his foot? Cry?
Ahaha, he apparently agrees with me that Dorian has some growing up to do. Looks like it’s time to stuff Dorian into a big-boy’s suit of armor and shuffle him off to “the battlefront,” wherever that is. Eyllwe, I guess?
And as for the assassin . . . once her injuries were healed, what better person to have at his bidding? Besides, there were no others in whom he could place his trust. Celaena Sardothien was his best and only choice now that Cain was dead.
I can’t anymore, you guys. I just can’t. The dumb has overwhelmed me.
At last, it’s time for the king to reveal the terrifying depths of his evil. I’m sure you’re all as shocked as I am to learn that:
- the king’s a Wyrdmark expert,
- he’ll keep Celaena alive to see what the deal is with her magical forehead marquee,
- he and Perrington having matching black magic rings,
- he and Perrington were using Kaltain and Cain as test subjects for their Wyrdmark/demony magic powers,
- and they have unspecified Evil Plans for the continent that are about to be set into motion.
Oh, and Kaltain’s sentenced to chill in a dungeon until everyone’s forgotten about her “scandal,” at which point the king will go full-on Godfather and make her “an offer she can’t refuse.” Glad to hear she won’t be rotting to death under the castle or wherever; I’ll need Kaltain to help me get through the next book, assuming I have the willpower to read it. (No promises.)
We’re told Celaena’s A Total Badass: 3
Celaena proves she’s A Total Badass: 0
I was surprised: 0
Is every resolution chapter going to be boring? Really? Not that this should surprise me, but really?
Well, I’m guessing Chaol’s due for his “romantic scene” with Celaena next. Here’s hoping he can at least refrain from physically harming her and/or entering her room without permission.