Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 1

Obsidian by Jennifer Armentrout read-along snark

Okay, yes, it took me longer than anticipated to recover from the, shall we say, emotional experience of snarking Sarah J. Maas’s incomparable Throne of Glass, but I assure you I’ve spent the intervening months coddling my righteous incredulity back to full strength.

And lo, I return to you with Obsidian in hand and a bottle of alcohol suction-cupped to my face.

What is Obsidian, you ask? PREPARE TO BE DELIGHTED.

Book synopsis

Starting over sucks.

When we moved to West Virginia right before my senior year, I’d pretty much resigned myself to thick accents, dodgy internet access, and a whole lot of boring . . . until I spotted my hot neighbor, with his looming height and eerie green eyes. Things were looking up.

And then he opened his mouth.

Daemon is infuriating. Arrogant. Stab-worthy. We do not get along. At all. But when a stranger attacks me and Daemon literally freezes time with a wave of his hand, well, something . . . unexpected happens.

The hot alien living next door marks me.

You heard me. Alien. Turns out Daemon and his sister have a galaxy of enemies wanting to steal their abilities, and Daemon’s touch has me lit up like the Vegas Strip. The only way I’m getting out of this alive is by sticking close to Daemon until my alien mojo fades.

If I don’t kill him first, that is.

Bring on the looming asshole aliens, my body is ready.

Shout-out to Fadwa, whose amazing rant first brought this book to my attention. If you need a sneak peek of the glory I’m about to relate in exquisite detail, do give her rant a read.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bolded or in block-quotes, it’s paraphrased snark.

Obsidian Snark Chapter Index


Looks like we’re starting off strong, so buckle in.


I stare at the pile of boxes in my new bedroom, wishing the Internet had been hooked up. Not being able to do anything with my review blog since moving here was like missing an arm or a leg. According to my mom, “Katy’s Krazy Obsession” was my whole life. Not entirely, but it was important to me. She didn’t get books the way I did.

Aw yeah, protagonist, woo me with your boring unimportant snobbish wailings, you know what I like.

I sighed. We’d been here two days, and there was still so much left to unpack. I hated the idea of boxes sitting around. Even more than I hated being here.

Woo me harder, woo me louder.

Katy rises to the occasion, gnashing her teeth about the incomprehensibility of their new house’s architecture (“It even had a turret—a freaking turret. What was I supposed to do with that?“), the insult of living in an unincorporated rural hellscape (“meaning it wasn’t a real town“), and the horror of having to drive into the Starbucksless town to get their mail (“Barbaric“).

But just as I’m getting comfortable with my horrified antipathy, Katy remembers oh, right, readers prefer sympathetic characters, maybe I should get on that, and briefly sags against a wall to explain how her life and family fell apart after her dad’s death three years ago. She and her mom have moved from Florida to the diseased backwaters of West Virginia to start a new, fatherless life together, where hopefully they can repair their floundering mother/daughter relationship.

(Any bookies in the crowd? This here crisp dollar bill thinks Katy’s relationship with her mom won’t even leave the barn.)

Having expended the minimum amount of effort to arouse the reader’s sympathies, Katy drops the topic of her dad and rebelliously decides not to unpack any boxes today (I guess her moans about the horror of unpacked boxes were an exaggeration?). She then lifts her delicate nose to the air, sniffs the breeze, and determines that lo, in yonder kitchen Mom’s trying to cook, and holy crap Mom’s trying to cook she’s going to burn down the house.

This was so not good,” Katy informs us before racing into the kitchen, where awaits one of YA’s innumerable Parents Incapable of Adulting, whose inability to even scramble eggs is used as shorthand to explain (a) the protagonist’s world-weary, totally-mature-for-her-age attitude, and (b) the parent’s impending absence from the protagonist’s life/the story. Who needs concerned and attentive parents mucking up their budding alien romance? Nobody.

Mom also happens to be gorgeous, with “glorious blonde hair that was stick straight and sparkling hazel eyes,” which “made [Katy] look dull with [her] gray eyes and plain brown hair.

Gray eyes and brown hair? THE HORROR.

And somehow I ended up more . . . round than her. Curvy hips, puffy lips, and huge eyes that Mom loved but made me look like a demented kewpie doll.

Yes, nothing is less attractive in mainstream American culture than a young white woman with curved hips, full lips, and large eyes. How does Katy manage to leave the house without first concealing herself in a Hazardous Waste trashcan?

Mom (a nurse, I’m guessing?) sloshes her eggy ruin all over the kitchen while detailing her work schedule for the next week or so (“I’ll be gone 24/7, don’t have too much fun without me lol”). Katy helpfully narrates, “most parents would saw off their left arm before thinking of leaving a teenaged girl at home alone all the time, but not mine. She trusted me because I never gave her reason not to. [ . . . ] I was kind of boring.”

We learn a bit more about our heroine (she’s a straight-A student! She stays out of trouble because she doesn’t want to stress her mom out! She, unlike her mom, remembers that grocery shopping is a thing that needs doing!) before Mom decides enough is enough.

MOM: “DID YOU NOTICE THE HOT BOY YOUR AGE and the girl who might be his sister WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR?”

That’s right, Mom, getting straight to the good stuff.


MOM: “Honey, I might be old, but my eyes are still working fine. And they were really working earlier.” 

While Katy’s busy heaving up her breakfast in the corner, let me make an educated guess: Katy’s not going to make any female acquaintances (who aren’t related to the hot alien) in this book—and if she does, it won’t be for quite a while.

I’ve come to this clever conclusion because it’s the time-honored role of the paranormal YA heroine’s female classmates (or friends, if she somehow has them) to assure both her and the reader that the Mysterious Paranormal Dude is in fact the pinnacle of male physical accomplishment. Because heaven forbid the heroine be attracted so someone who isn’t an 11 out of 10 on the universal fuckability scale.

Having accomplished the two tasks required of her, Mom advises Katy to go make friends, then disappears from the rest of the novel (I’m guessing).

Katy grumps that yeah, sure, she’ll swing by the guy’s house and ask where a grocery store and maybe a gardening store is—their new house boasts a flower bed that Katy’s itching to go all Better Homes & Gardens on—despite the existential terror of facing the physical reality of people her own age.

And so she bravely steps out of the house without donning additional makeup or a full-body balaclava, approaches the neighbor’s door, and knocks upon it. And then—oh my god this is exactly what I signed up for; quick, somebody grab me some popcorn:

Heavy footsteps came from the other side, and then the door was swinging open and I was staring at a very broad, tan, well-muscled chest. A naked chest.

The naked chest, she notes (AT LENGTH, THIS IS THE BEST), is connected to a rippling taut slab o’ stomach boasting a swath of petable dark fur that dips below low-slung jeans (presumably toward lower parts, omg—I’m shocked she doesn’t wax eloquent about any notable bulges), and it takes her several minutes of mapping out every crevice of the body before she finally looks up at the body’s face.

And sees that it is a face to write poetry about, a face to sculpt in marble, a face to sit upon immediately.

Dude, meanwhile, isn’t taking well to being reduced to a sexual object, and frowningly asks if he can help her. But his toxic green eyes are too beautiful for Katy to bother with behaving like a decent, well-socialized human being, and he has to address her three more times before she snaps out of her lustful haze and remembers why she’s here.

Katy hastily rolls her tongue back up off the ground and cuts straight to the chase (then blows right on past it), asking where the grocery store is, and introducing herself, and explaining she’s his new neighbor as of two days ago. His reply:

“I know.”

Katy’s reply to that:


So far, I’m on Dude’s side. If someone came knocking on my door, and proceeded to spend the next several minutes clearly struggling not to chip their teeth on my adamantine abs, and then failed to apologize for their poor manners, I’d be a bit terse myself. Katy’s silent offense frames herself as the innocent victim of a guy’s unnecessary temper, and that’s not quite what’s going on here.

So Katy repeats her question, adding that she’d also like to know where she can buy some plants, and okay, yeah, Dude’s being increasingly rude as she valiantly fumbles herself from mild embarrassment deep into existential mortification.

This disaster continues for a bit, with Dude draped sexily against the doorframe, glittering his eyes in a dangerous mysterious sexy way that she eventually realizes is laughter at her expense as he gently guides her to never-before-experienced heights of can one of us please die now, preferably him, preferably by my hand. Until, finally, he gives her the directions she needs, and she’s storming off to her car, and he shouts one last little jab that gives her the chance to call him a douchebag.

Dude lols that “douchebag” isn’t a ladylike thing to call someone, prompting Katy to whip out the big guns:

“You know, you’re right. How wrong of me to call you a douchebag. Because a douchebag is too nice of a word for you,” I said, smiling sweetly. “You’re a dickhead.”

“I appear to have misclassified you on my taxonomy of jerks” is a wicked burn.

(But hey, if there’s one good thing about this chapter so far, it’s this crushing imperative I’m feeling to cozy up under some blankets and never come out again, I am so embarrassed for her, oh my god.)

Having totally saved face and not made a fool of herself at all, Katy waves off another taunt with a middle finger—but Dude gets the last word in (“See you later, Kitten!”), and the chapter closes with Katy raging inside her car, learning the totally wrong life lesson:

‘Make an effort,’ Mom had said. That’s what happens when you make an effort.

Oh, god, child, no. That’s what happens when you fuck up an effort to befriend a guy who doesn’t want to be befriended in the first place. Don’t blame the universe or this guy for your own inability to control your cartoonish libido, and don’t declare his rudeness proof that you should never again attempt to make friends.

(It is possibly a bad sign that I’m one chapter in and already giving earnest life advice to a fictional teen.)



48 thoughts on “Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 1

  1. DUUUUDE YOU’RE DOING IT AGAIN !!! And with my favorite worst book in the whole wide world. You just made my day 😂😂 If this whole hilariousness came just from the first chapter, I can’t wait what the rest will be like ! Also, you won’t stop hearing about that chest. She talks about it a lot. All the time.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Is “Chester” too on-the-nose? We could go for ironically common/simple: “Dave,” “Steve,” “Jim”? Or does his chest have a porn star name to go with its porn star looks: “Steely Dickson”? TOO MANY POSSIBILITIES.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Aaaah I’m so glad you liked this chapter! Have you read this book before?

      If you notice I’m not pointing out something I should totally be pointing out, let me know! I’ll do my best to wail and rage about everything worth wailing and raging at, but some things do slip by me. Audience participation is encouraged!

      Thank you for your support; it means the world to me. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have seen the book doing rounds in the blogging community but I haven’t read it 🙂 I shall experience this wonderful creation through your posts! 😀 I’m sure this way I’ll have it 100% better! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is pure comedic gold. I am SO GLAD that I came across your blog. This book was TERRIBLE. I’m so happy someone’s doing a proper rant for it 😀 Really excited to read more!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you did too, because complaining about this book to and with you will make this entire experience even more amazing.

      Did you make it through the entire book? Did you review it? Less importantly: do you think I’ll asphyxiate on my own fury before finishing the snark? (I’m cool with dying for the sake of your lols, but it’d be nice to know in advance if it’s likely.)

      Thank you~! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, I’m so excited for these rants. It reminds me of that one blogger I read on spark notes, Dan (?), when he read the Twilight series haha. Great stuff.

        And I did! I finished it in about two days, but I never reviewed it. I read it two or three years ago, way before I started my blog or was on Goodreads. Wish I had though. Because I would of have a glorious time ranting about it haha. And I think asphyxiation by fury is a definite possibility. Tread lightly LOL ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh man, I haven’t heard of that one! I’m going to go look that up. My favorite Twilight series snark is by Cleolinda Jones; her snarks are golden.

        Congrats on finishing it! And aw, I’m disappointed that you don’t have a review for it, but that’s okay; I’m sure you’ll end up ranting about some terrible book or another in the next several months. I’ll just look forward to that.

        I’ll do my best, but no promises. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh my, you should certainly check him (Dan – SparkLife) out. His snark is brilliant (like yours). And I’ll definitely read up on Jones. I could always go for some more snark-filled Twilight reviews. And you might not have to wait long for my rant review. I didn’t really like Nightshade, so be on the lookout for that LOL. And that’s all I can hope for haha ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’ve found and bookmarked Dan’s snark, and I can’t wait to read it! Thank you so much for pointing it out; writing snark is a lot quicker and easier when I’m also reading snark, but I usually just reread my few favorites. I need fresh blood.

        I’m so glad to hear it; I’m great at feigning patience while secretly obsessively refreshing people’s blogs because when will their rant come out I can’t wait forever.


  3. This, is, wonderful. Obsidian was one of the first books I read when I first got back into reading, so I was mainly just in a book coma at the time, devouring books left and right and thinking highly of most of them because “omg these are books and they are wonderful and…” you get the point. So I love reading reviews for those books that I read because I think that if I read Obsidian now, I would absolutely hate it. I agree with everything that you said! What can I say, my standards are higher now. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES. I did the same thing when I finally came out of my post-graduate-school stupor; I can’t tell you the first thing about any of the books I read, I went through them so fast. The book coma is real.

      The higher standards are real, too. Have you ever gone back and reread an old favorite, and realized how agonizingly awful it actually is? (Hopefully not. My most vivid experience with that was Tanya Huff’s “Wizard of the Grove.” The memory still makes me lol in disbelief at my younger self for loving that book.)



  4. [/loud gasp] LIAM, why I never would have suspected such a thing would ever grace my presence. I’m just as shocked as everyone else!

    First of all, this snark is what my snarkish dreams are made of. I have been sitting here in silence grinning at my screen trying to come up with a worthy comment… while my family looks on in concern. Second of all, it’s been confirmed that you have not forgotten how to funny, so literally never speak to me again about that nonsense. Though, let it be known that because I rarely read book summaries, this is 100% not what I thought this book was going to be about based on the cover alone. Much disappoint.

    I, too, am prepared to put my own dollar (not quite as crisp as yours) on this mother-daughter relationship not going much of anywhere (considering the fact that the books seems to be setting up the poor mom’s exit already) without the work of the deus ex machina powers that be.

    We both know how much I LOVE stories with “plain” girls and “extremely hot, abs-of-steel” boys to play their love interest; so, obviously, I’m here for this. Also, “Yes, nothing is less attractive in mainstream American culture than a young white woman with curved hips, full lips, and large eyes. How does Katy manage to leave the house without first concealing herself in a Hazardous Waste trashcan?” Liam, please be my friend 5ever. I can’t wait till one of my many requested copies gets into my hands so that I can join in on the fun (and hopefully not stop mid-go like a certain other book which shall remain unnamed).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So my husband was driving us home from dinner when I read this, and he saw me grinning at my phone and asked to be let in on the joke, so I read your comment to him in its entirety. Seriously, Morgan, your comments give me life.

      If your family’s concerned that your grinning at your computer, I hesitate to ask what expression you normally wear. Do you have resting I WILL RAZE YOUR LAND AND SUCK THE MARROW FROM YOUR BONES face? If so: awesome, I like it.

      “Second of all, it’s been confirmed that you have not forgotten how to funny, so literally never speak to me again about that nonsense.”

      My husband interrupted me at that point to voice his agreement. You’ve received approximately 1/20th the amount of but what if I can’t make the lols?? angst that’s consumed me for the last few weeks. Hearing reassurance from someone other than him–especially that someone being you–makes me feel so much better. (After all, he’s legally obligated to tell me I’m funny. It’s on our certificate of marriage.)

      Ahaha, you didn’t see that (clearly mid-twenties or older) cover model and immediately think TEEN ALIENS? I’m shocked.

      That’s two bucks for continued absentee parenting. Here’s hoping we don’t lose.

      Friends 5ever [high fives].

      Holy shit, I would be overjoyed if you read along with me–but I’d also be overjoyed if you just read my snark (whenever it was convenient for you, you wouldn’t even have to keep up), so no pressure. Your involvement in any tiny possible way would make this ordeal so much better for me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bahaha. Success! I’m just going to quit my day job and become a professional commenter. I’m sure there’s money in that.

        Yes, that is EXACTLY my face. How did you know?

        Liam, listen to me. We know what we’re talking about. Just believe us next time. (Though, I totally get it. He is for sure 100% obligated to tell you that you’re funny at all times no matter what. He signed the papers. He had to have read the fine print.)

        My library is a baws and managed to get the physical copy in for me in no time at all. So, I’m reading now and this first chapter is a disaster. I just find it funny how… the text mentions that Katy’s mom is “determined to be more in [her] life” mere seconds before the mom mentions literally never being at home again. Then, I really need someone to explain to me how this random abs-of-steel guy heard that this girl’s name was “Katy” and came up with “Kittycat” and “Kitten” as nicknames. Because unless she pronounces her name “Catty” instead of, you know, “Katy,” that seems like a bit of a convenient ass reach…. Also… I have to side with the guy who is clearly way older than me. He wasn’t any more of a douchecanoe than I would have been if someone showed up at my door UNINVITED to STARE AT ME LIKE I’M A PIECE OF MEAT.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I only pay in emojis. 💰

        But hold on Morgan, I just tried to edit my snark for chapter four and it is not funny. Like, hardcore not even cracking a smile while reading it kind of not funny. Tomorrow I’m going to down a beer and try to smoosh some lols in, so please–I don’t even know–think funny thoughts in my general direction whenever you have a free moment. Otherwise I will succumb to despair.

        Hell yes, library, good job well done!

        Oh my god, why didn’t I think to point that out? MORGAN, SNARK THIS BOOK FOR ME. I’ll give you my log-in credentials, it’ll be great.

        And yes, what is up with Daemon landing on cat nicknames? It seemed like too much of a coincidence, since that’s what Katy’s dad called her. My first thought was, “Wait, has he been stalking her since before her dad died??” (Extra question mark for horror-emphasis.)

        I literally slammed my head on my chair’s headrest, I loled so hard at “douchecanoe.” Any time you’re ready for my log-in info to take over this snark thing, you let me know.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I will take your emojis.

        You can do I believe. I finished chapter 4 last night, and I have the utmost confidence in your funny. To help you along, I’m going to give you my fave scene in that chapter, okay? — “He picked up a loose section of hair that had escaped my clip, twirling the hair around his finger. ‘What kind of color is this? It’s not brown or blonde.’ My cheeks itched with heat. I snatched my hair back. ‘It’s called light brown.'” This is what we’re reading, Liam. A book that pretends light brown isn’t the same as brown.

        I could literally never snark anything. It would only be a poor knockoff of your genius. Which is why I’m here in your comments 24/7. Quietly snarking along with you. (Also, I read the chapter 2 snark, but my lunch time is slowly slipping away so I might have to wait until I get home to give you ALL OF MY FEELINGS. Jesus, why did I ever stop reading ToG with you? I’m loving this).

        I THOUGHT THE SAME THING! I was like “Doth my eyes perceive a plot?” Because, you know, I would be the worst person to be in the Old English days. If this doesn’t come back up somehow, though, I’m going to scream. And you will hear my from wherever you are.

        The Word of 2017, ladies and gentlemen: Douchecanoe

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh my god, the “what is the exact color of your hair” scene. Are you telling me you WEREN’T overcome by the sexual tension? He was touching her hair, Morgan. He was saying words at her. What more do readers need?

        I think you’re grossly underestimating your abilities. Snarking is a major struggle for me, too—I spend hours writing and editing each chapter—but I’ll grudgingly admit that I usually end up doing a good job. Maybe you just need to give it a shot. Eh, eh? 😃

        “What plot from yonder window breaks?” Wait, no.

        How far have you read now? How pissed are you at Daemon’s awfulness? I AM SO PISSED. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I had to read it twice because I couldn’t believe it was real… Someone actually greenlit this book with that passage in it, and I simply CANNOT. Also, it is important to note that in a later chapter, the book mentions that weird inexplicable Matthew guy having light brown hair, so it’s not like seeing Katy is the first time Daemon has discovered this “mysterious not-brown color.”

        You do an excellent job. I have once thought of this, but do I have the commitment? That is the question. Perhaps one day, when I am a bitter-er old-er lady, I’ll finally do the thing.

        I’m on like Chapter 8 now, and I am just so in awe that I hate everyone here.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. It makes me wonder what state the manuscript was in when an editor first got their hands on it; was it in such significantly worse shape that the editor finally got it to this point and had to let it go (either because of time constraints or the realization that it just wouldn’t get any better)? The thought breaks my heart.

        Ha! I hadn’t even noticed that. SEE, YOU MUST DO THE THING. Get older and bitterer already, time’s awasting.

        “I am just so in awe that I hate everyone here.” Yep. I’m currently editing my snark for chapter eight, and I can confirm: the hatred is real. But you better buckle up, because things are going to be getting exciting real soon. (Yay?)

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Shh. Shh. We will not think of the manuscript. If this is the book that made it into our hands, I don’t want to believe there had to be a different version in which everything was even more wrong than it is right now.

        Whenever I gather my strength (and my wits because I’m really only kind of funny and that’s mostly wasted in person), you’ll be the first to know.

        Oh, things finally started revving up and all I could think was “We’re like 80 pages in, tho. What took you so long?” and “This poor girl has to go to school next week. Y’all need to chill.”

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Ahaha, oh god, you make me lol.

        Excellent. You know where to find me. I will be waiting.

        And oh my god I’m still loling. Can I quote you on that? I might need to quote you on that.


  5. Yay, it’s brilliant to see your chapter by chapter snark reviews back. Honestly I am really looking forwards to seeing you pull apart Obsidian like you did Throne of Glass, hopefully this book won’t be as dire as Throne of Glass was for you but I guess you don’t really have a good idea of that given you’ve only read one chapter so far.
    I read this book ages ago so I can’t really remember much of what happened in it, or in the rest of the series either but some of your comments are definitely spot on, especially in terms of Katy’s mum being never there and a terrible cook so it can establish katy’s maturity.
    Can’t wait for chapter 2! Great review of chapter 1 as well! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Beth! I’m so glad you’re going to be sharing this, uh, fantastic adventure with me. If you do happen to remember anything from the book that is worth pointing out, and I don’t point it out, please oh please let me know. You probably noticed things that I’m going to miss, and any insight (and jokes, and howls of rage) you have to offer would be incredibly appreciated! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s all right, and yeah fantastic may not be the best word to use if this book gets as bad as the Throne of Glass one did for you, but I’ll be looking forwards to seeing all of your chapter updates as you post them!
        I will definitely let you know. I feel as you review these books by chapter it may bring more of the story back for me. It certainly seemed that way after reading your post for chapter one! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  6. YES YES YES YES YES! I’ve been dying for snarking from you!!!!
    Grey eyes and brown hair??? How does she even dare to leave the house with those horrendous physical elements??????
    “Because heaven forbid the heroine be attracted so someone who isn’t an 11 out of 10 on the universal fuckability scale.” I have missed you so much ❤️😍😂
    I don’t know a single teen that would ask an unknown neighbor where she can buy plants. Gardens are for sneaking out of the house at this age!!! And in-house plants DIE when left in the hands of hormone-full so-busy-being-a-teen people like Kathy, mouhahahaha.
    I never planned on reading this, and probably never will, but I can’t wait for more from you!!! You’re killing me again 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahaha, yay! I’m glad to hear it! 😄

      I mean, I do appreciate that she’s not a golden or platinum blonde, nor a redhead. But still, it’d be nice to have some brunette heroines who don’t think brown is ugly. Bah.

      Aaaah you fill me with joy. 😊

      Oh man, how I’ll lol if she ends up totally fucking up her garden. But my guess is we’ll see her garden once, and plants/gardening won’t be referenced again for the whole book. Because what paranormal YA heroine needs HOBBIES?

      I’m glad we get to experience this book for the first time together! It’ll be great. (Or “great.”) ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. YAYYYY!!! Another Snark series!!! So excited! And I’ve not read this book- so doubly excited! Hahahaha I loved how this “wooed” you! Oh dear oh dear- I cannot believe that is paragraph one!! Teenage exposition at its worst! Oh gosh- the horror of a turret- she doesn’t have much of an imagination, does she? Shame this wasn’t a vampire novel…. Hahaha on second thoughts this sounds like Twilight: Take 2- This Time it’s got aliens! What is with useless parents that can’t cook anything?! Did she just subsist on cereal for the first 10 years of her life, before she figured out how to use the stove? Hahaha yes, brown hair and grey eyes- terrible combo 😉 Ooh yay a boring main character… that’s really selling me on this book! Hahahaha your description of them meeting made me laugh so hard! Gosh I love this- totally gonna save me from reading the actual book!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AAAAH I’m so excited that you’re excited! And heck yes for choosing a book you haven’t read yet! Wow, that was lucky.

      “Teenage exposition at its worst” is 1000% right.

      And YES. There are so many great things to do with a turret! I’d kill for one, myself. (Mostly I just need the extra storage space, though.)

      You are so, so right about Twilight: With ALIENS thing. I’m, uh, excited to see exactly how far the similarities go!

      There are just so many things to lol and roll your eyes at so far, huh? I’m glad you’ll be there loling and eye-rolling with me! (And I’m equally glad to spare you from reading the book yourself!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really am!!! haha yes! 😉
        I know right!! Can’t STAND it!! hahaha yes- it seems like a great place to read if nothing else! There’s no way I’d complain about it! haha yes- me too!
        hahahaha I’m excited to see how it works out for you 😉
        haha yes!

        Liked by 1 person

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