Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 6


Previously on  Obsidian, Daemon drags Katy into the uncharted wilderness, where he manipulates and threatens the shit out of her before disappearing into the lake (hopefully forever).

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold or block-quotes, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 6

So Daemon’s still underwater and it’s been a panicky ten minutes for Katy, who’s thinking, “I might have briefly considered the idea of drowning him, but I didn’t really wish the guy dead.” That makes one of us.

But Daemon rises from the depths seconds later, looking super confused when Katy wails, “YOU’VE BEEN UNDER FOR TEN MINUTES HOW ARE YOU NOT DROWNED?”

Cue the gaslighting:

He climbed to his feet. “It couldn’t have been ten minutes. That’s not possible. No one can hold their breath that long.”

Between this and his random bouts of teleportation, Daemon sucks at faking human.

(FYI, I’m going to assume that, in preparation for his stint of playing human, Daemon read tons of paranormal YA novels, studying the actions and behaviors of the sexy paranormal dudes also trying to pass as human. This would explain both his half-assed “I’m totally human I swear” attempt, and his fucking awful abuse. Also, I kind of love the image of him holed up in his alien library, wearing his alien spectacles and elegantly holding his alien pen in one tentacle, taking extensive notes on Edward Cullen.)

Katy continues to freak, spurring Daemon to condescendingly offer to buy her a watch after he gets his keys back from Dee. “Oh, shit,” Katy thinks, her stomach dropping, “that’s right, I’m not actually on a glorious romantic date with the Chippendale of my dreams.”

For some stupid reason, one I would probably never know, I’d forgotten the reason why we were here. Somewhere between seeing him half naked and then thinking he was dead, I’d lost my mind.

(I’ll just casually point out how badly written this is: Katy starts with “[f]or some stupid reason, one I would probably never know,” then immediately lists the two reasons. The book forgot what had been written one sentence prior.)

Quietly devastated at this revelation, Katy declares herself done with this swimming bullshit; it’s time to get the fuck out of—NOPE, the book interrupts, SEXUAL TENSION TIME:

My foot slipped over the wet rock. Thrown off balance, my arms flailed in the air.

Moving lightning fast, his hand shot out and grabbed mine, pulling me forward. The next thing I knew I was against his warm, wet chest and his arm was around my waist.

And then good news for those of you who love Katy’s sexy way with words: she exquisitely describes how a “strange edginess swamped [her]” as she pressed up against Daemon’s raw masculine physicality. Also, this:

It was a powerful, almost electric feeling that coursed through me—answering something in him?

Well, that was strange, foolish, and illogical. He hated me.

Here’s a trope I love: the paranormal romance heroine who feels the tingle of her nethers awakening at the proximity of her impending dude-lay, and immediately believes (even if she tells herself she doesn’t believe) that dude-lay is feeling that same tingle for her. “We tingle together,” she gasps in wonderment, “we are destined.”

After half a page of this, Daemon clears his throat, lets her go, adjusts his surprise boner, and says yeah, it’s definitely time to head back. Katy’s response:

I nodded, disappointed and not even sure why I was disappointed. His mood swings made me feel as if I were on one of those crappy tilt-a-whirls that wouldn’t end, but there . . . there was just something about him.

That “something” is called abs, and they’re on literally every other guy in the world. Daemon’s might be especially corrugated and multitudinous, fine, but find yourself more emotionally stable ones. These aren’t worth it.

Readers, take note: if someone’s attitude, behavior, and emotional state is so wildly unpredictable as to make you feel off-balance and on-edge when you’re around them, do not date that person. This is the not the stuff that healthy, loving relationships are made of.

The trip back home, thank god, was conducted entirely in silence:

It seemed neither of us had anything to say, which was actually nice. I liked him better when he’d lost the ability to speak.

They emerge from the woods (Katy miraculously still alive, Daemon unfortunately so), and startle at the sight of an ominous Audi hulking in Daemon’s driveway. Daemon “cursed under his breath,” which sends “a blast of arctic air” between them.

And before Daemon can react further, a handsome older guy with blue eyes and pissed off written all over his face comes barreling out of Daemon’s house. His name is Matthew, and he’s disgusted to see that Daemon’s sullied himself by hanging out with the likes of Katy. Daemon reassures him that no, bro, Katy is Dee’s friend, and Dee’s totally forcing him to hang out with her.

A hot flush swept through me. Did he really need to tell some dude I was a pity date?

I’m going to be pissed if the series doesn’t show Katy developing enough self-esteem to prioritize her own opinion of herself over the opinions of strangers and douchebags.

The guys beat their chests at each other a little, and then—I’m not saying it was aliens, but—ALIEN POWERS ACTIVATE:

A crack of thunder startled me as they both stared at one another. Lightning streaked overhead, momentarily blinding. Once the light receded, dark, tumultuous clouds rolled in. Energy crackled around me, flashing across my skin.

Then Matthew gives her a final you disgust me sneer before stomping into Daemon’s house, and the storm poofs out of existence as abruptly as it arrived.

Overwhelmed by this undeniable display of manly temper and supernatural power, Katy gapes after Matthew, then gapes at Daemon, and finally asks, “What . . . what just happened?” But Daemon gets the fuck out before she’s halfway through her question, leaving Katy alone and stupefied in the driveway.

Where, slowly, distantly, she begins to think.

Yes, she’s “seen [clearly supernatural storms] happen a hundred times in Florida” (seriously?), but between this and Daemon’s teleportation and his apparent ability to breathe underwater, she’s getting an inkling that Something Is Up With Him.

In fact, she decides, her lone, tiny light bulb flickering on, perhaps Something Is Up With All Of Them.

<PREVIOUS CHAPTERNEXT CHAPTER>

CHAPTER INDEX


25 thoughts on “Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 6

  1. I can totally 100% imagine Daemon reading paranormal YA romances and making notes. In fact forget the bonus chapters of seeing events from the book through his eyes I want to see a bonus chapter of him reading Twilight, making notes on it, and what made him this Edward Cullen was a good role model for ‘Normal Human Behaviour’.
    It almost feels like in this chapter Daemon’s playing a game with Katy or something, how alien can I act without tipping her off as to what I really am. There’s no way the breathing underwater for ten minutes and lighting storm can be accidental when someone who doesn’t know his secret is standing right there!
    I feel like I’m going to have to re-read this book at some point. I imagine it would be a completely different experience having read your chapter by chapter recaps! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh my god, Beth, please write that chapter for me. I need that chapter, and I need it asap.

      You’re totally right–it does feel like a weird game or test. Better that than being forced to accept that our sexy hero (“sexy hero”) is this stupid.

      I actually hope you do; I’d love to hear about your thoughts and experience the second time around. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I feel like it may require me to re-read Obsidian and Twilight again but hey, you never know, I’ll see what I can do before the month is up! 😀
        Yeah, I mean obviously he;s been on Earth a long time if he’s established a life there. It wouldn’t have been hard to out him long before now if he was going alien on everyone he meets.
        In that case I’ll add this series back onto my re-read to-read list! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. If you reread both Obsidian AND Twilight, you’ll deserve, like, two gold medals and a trophy, Beth. I would salute you.

        Ahaha, “going alien on everyone he meets.” I like the idea of him and Dee having to pack up and relocate every couple months because he can’t keep his tentacles under wraps. Poor Dee, no wonder she doesn’t have any friends; she never has a chance to make any.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Maybe not re-read both one after the other. I feel like that’ll put me in a reading slump or something, but more see if I can find an online recap or something.
        I can totally see that happening. Daemon trying to be mysterious and aloof around girls but accidentally blowing his cover and outing himself as an alien in front of everyone. Another story I’d like to read! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Recaps do sound a great deal safer than double-fisting them, that’s for sure.

        Ahaha, oh my god, Beth, that is the best. The fanfics for this book could be amazing, if we could just find the snarky lolarious ones. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Liam, you slay me. (Yes, I will state this in literally every comment I leave and feel no embarrassment about it.) I like the idea of Daemon “holed up in his alien library, wearing his alien spectacles and elegantly holding his alien pen in one tentacle, taking extensive notes on Edward Cullen.” By the by, totally been telling my coworkers about this book and its Twilight tendencies. They now have theories about this book and how it ends. Really, this is bringing us together. So, thanks for opening my eyes to this trash.

    “I’m not actually on a glorious romantic date with the Chippendale of my dreams.” Same, Katy, Same.

    Also, in the same vein of the “we are destined” nonsense, I totally forgot to SCREAM DM you on Twitter yesterday, so I’m just going to leave my absolute favorite passage from Chapter 10 right here: “Dee shifted, and my view of Daemon was blocked. I immediately felt panic rising and struggled to move until I could see him again. My pulse quieted the moment my gaze settled on his still form.” Like…. What are reading right now? Why is the author doing this to us? There is literally no need.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Are you and your coworkers taking bets on what the alien equivalent to “vampire baseball” will be? Do you think the series will eventually include Katy giving horrible gruesome murder-birth to an alien-hybrid baby? WILL THERE BE IMPRINTING? Oh my god I’m so excited, Morgan, I hope there’s imprinting.

      “Same, Katy, Same.” <– I barked a laugh like a SEAL.

      Holy fuck, Morgan, I cannot handle that scene. Like, what sort of mind-fuckery has he inflicted on her, to make her so dependent on him/his presence for calm and comfort? Can you imagine your abuser being able to make you literally need his presence to feel any sense of calm? WHAT ARE WE READING.

      Like

  3. This chapter readalong gave me so many conflicting feelings! (see what I did there? 😀 )
    I’m not religous by any means, but Jesus save me- still here, frowning and shaking head.

    Tell me, though, how many times have you considered just quitting the book? I mean, it’s seriously a painful experience… how do you just find the strength to keep reading? Obviously you’re doing this all for a really good reason, and this goal definitely keeps you going (which we all thank you for), but you must have so many times when you’re just thinking- I. Can’t. Do.This. Any. More! ? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! There’s just something about a truly awful, infuriating book that can make even the staunchest atheist beg for some divine intervention; I totally relate.

      Honestly, I’ve only had one serious What Horror Have I Wrought Upon Myself moment so far–but we’re only through the first six chapters, so I’m sure the frequency of those feelings will increase rapidly. But like you said, it feels like it’s worth doing! And the joy of wailing with you guys in the comments really does make it worthwhile. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha this is worse than Edward saying adrenaline helped him push a truck out the way! (Hehehehehe that image of him taking notes on Edward Cullen is wonderful- I personally think the only thing that could improve Daemon at this stage would be tentacles- at least then I could look at him and think “ahh that’s why you’re such a creeper”) Hahaha I like how to get out of this awkward moment where Katy is asking too many obvious questions (but not the “are you a vampire or an alien?” one yet- cos heroines of paranormal always take ages to get to that point) to “let’s have her slip into his arms shall we?” Nicely done by the author- no one can see what she did there 😉 hahahahaha your snark made me laugh so much!! YES for the not dating people that make you feel bad!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! Edward was not a smooth operator, for sure.

      This book would be 1000% more hilarious and enjoyable if he had tentacles. I think I’m going to just imagine that he does have them, but they’re made invisible via some great alien technological doodad. His tentacles are always aflailing.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t it weird, seeing a beloved novel from a totally different perspective later on? I kind of hate and kind of love it when that happens.

      If you do reread it, please let me know! I’d be thrilled to hear what you think of it this time around—and I’ll keep my fingers crossed that my snark doesn’t totally ruin your love of the book.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not at all weird. I must confess I have this crazy habit of actively seeking out negative reviews of books I read and loved. It’s weird, I know, I’m ashamed of me too haha but it fascinates me to see how someone can have a completely oppsite perspective to what I had .

        Liked by 1 person

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s