Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 7


Previously on  Obsidian, Katy swamps her bikini bottoms while held in Daemon’s wet hot alien embrace, and later begins the slow and difficult realization that there might possibly be something potentially supernatural going on with him, maybe.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold or block-quotes, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 7

Not gonna lie, guys, I’m excited to watch Katy assemble the clues from the previous chapters into a working hypothesis that explains the true source of Daemon’s inhumanly sexable face. I’m guessing “aliens” isn’t going to be the first thing she lands on, though. If anyone’s willing to place bets, my money’s on her demanding to know if he’s a faerie, him getting homophobically pissed at being called a faerie, and then the music rushing to a crescendo as he sloughs off his human shell to reveal his true cephalopodan glory.

Anyway, show us your sleuthing skills, Katy:

Chapter 7

Dee called that night, and even though I wanted to tell her that my time with Daemon hadn’t been all puppy dog tails and rainbows, I lied. I told her he was great. He earned his keys and then some. Otherwise, she might make him take me on another outing.

I almost felt bad for lying when she sounded happy.

Wait, no, where is my sleuthing?

Also: you wanted to prevent your new friend from making you hang out with her brother again, so you told her you had an amazing glorious joyful time hanging out with her brother. That . . . makes sense.

Katy spends the next week entirely indoors and online—which was exactly the horrific fate she’d wanted to avoid when Daemon threatened to trap her in house for a week if she didn’t don her skimpiest polyester and do some breast-strokes with him in unmapped secret lakes. I’m glad to see she dodged neither of those bullets, I guess.

And then, the following Saturday, Katy’s strolling by a front window and does a doubletake because a certain someone’s lurking in a totally not creepy fashion on her front porch. Standing there. Silently. Looking up at the sky. Just standing there. Not announcing his presence or anything. Just standing there.

So, naturally, she immediately goes out to talk to him oh my god Katy what are you doing.

KATY: “What are you doing?”

DAEMON: “I like staring at the sky. There’s something about it.” [Looks at the sky.] “It’s endless, you know.”

KATY: He is so, like, hotly philosophical.

Thus prepped for wooing, Katy’s guided into an enthralling conversation about her blog (Daemon: “So what do you blog about? Knitting? Puzzles? Being lonely?”), and Katy further confirms she’s just like us omg:

“I [blog] because I like it. I love reading, and I enjoy talking about books.”

Riveting. Do, go on.

“What kind of books do you read?”

“All different kinds.” I leaned against the post opposite of him, craning my neck back to meet his steady gaze. “Mainly I prefer the paranormal stuff.”

“Vampires and werewolves?”

Man, how many questions could he ask? “Yeah.”

“Ghosts and aliens?”

“Ghost stories are cool, but I don’t know about aliens. ET really doesn’t do it for me and a lot of readers.”

One single eyebrow arched. “What does it for you?”

“Not slimy green space creatures,” I replied.

NOT YET, ANYWAY.

Having thus exhibited the book’s grasp on the concept of irony, Daemon drops that topic of conversation and requests the privilege of her company on a hike.

KATY: “Uh, you know I’m not good with the whole [walking in a straight line without flailing myself into your biceply arms] thing.”

DAEMON: [Grins a “[r]ough” and “[s]exy” grin]

KATY:  “You already got your keys back, so why’re you trying to hang out with me? I find your friendliness deeply suspicious.”

DAEMON: “I don’t have a reason. I thought I would just stop over, but if you’re going to question everything, then you can forget it.”

Good job painting yourself as a friendly neighbor and Katy as a paranoid bitch who’s not worthy of your kindness, Daemon. Your manipulation game is stellar.

So stellar, in fact, that Katy buys it and agrees. To go hiking with him. Alone. When she doesn’t even like hiking. When she doesn’t even like him.

Her reason: “I’d been dying of boredom for days.

I mean, venturing out into the dangerous, isolated wilderness with a man who threatens, mocks, and humiliates you is technically a cure for boredom, I guess.

Daemon’s as shocked by her decision as I am:

“Are you sure?”

I agreed, with a hefty amount of trepidation.

This girl not only has zero self-esteem, she wouldn’t recognize self-preservation instincts if they threw her down and sat on her. Which is what I want to do right now, to prevent whatever awful shit is about to happen from happening.

Daemon informs her that he intends to lead her down a super-remote, little-known route, far from the more crowded walking trails that lead to the nearby, picturesque Seneca Rocks. When Katy readily submits to being taken deep into no-one-can-hear-you-scream territory, Daemon pauses for several minutes before noting, “You’re very trusting, Kitten.”

Katy’s response:

“Stop calling me that.” It was a little difficult to keep up with his long-legged pace, so I trailed a few steps behind him.

I swear to god, book, if you don’t stop making Katy blithely unaware of Daemon’s “you do realize you’re putting yourself in danger by hanging out with me right?” hints, you’re going to become well acquainted with a wall. Repeatedly.

Katy informs him in no uncertain terms that him calling her Kitten sounds “like an insult” or “something sexually deviant,” and I know I don’t need to tell you that his response is laughter, because he’s a douchebag and of course that’s how he responds. No, he doesn’t apologize, and no, he doesn’t agree to obey her request and not call her Kitten anymore.

They talk a bit more, Daemon refers to her as one of the (no doubt numerous) “beautiful girls who [has] the hots for [him],” Katy trips over her feet in shock, Daemon saves her from faceplanting by wrapping her in his steely embrace, and she instantly orgasms. Daemon seems genuinely surprised to learn that she’s, shall we say, insecure about her appearance, then offers this bit of wisdom:

“I’ve always found that the most beautiful people, truly beautiful inside and out, are the ones who are quietly unaware of their effect. [ . . . ] The ones who throw their beauty around, waste what they have? Their beauty is only passing. It’s just a shell hiding nothing but shadows and emptiness.”

Oh, good, misogynistic bullshit masquerading as comfort and support for readers with low self-esteem.

“Are you an unattractive to moderately attractive teen who’s insecure about her looks? Don’t worry, you’re Truly Beautiful. Women who meet society’s beauty standards and know it—especially those whores who put effort into their appearance—are fugly wastes of space. They’re nothing compared to you.”

Listen, Daemon:

  • A woman’s body has absolutely nothing to do with her character or her worth as a human being.
  • Women can choose to put as much or as little effort into their appearance as they like, because their bodies are their own.
  • A woman’s awareness of her own attractiveness doesn’t make her vain, shallow, or unworthy of respect or love, much less “nothing but shadows and emptiness.” Seriously, that description reduces attractive women to non-human objects.
  • And what’s this “women who show their beauty are wasting what they have” bullshit? When did a woman’s beauty become a finite resource that your douchebagy face needs to regulate?

Finally, they change the subject to one only slightly less maddening: history. Boy, I can’t wait to see how they fuck this up. Start us off, Daemon:

“Did you know this land was once traveled by the Seneca Indians?”

Oh, no. Please don’t let this white guy woo this white girl with poorly told and probably racist stories about Native Americans.

DAEMON: “Now pay attention . . . A long time ago, this land was forest and hills, which isn’t too different than today with the exception of a few small towns.”

ME: [Crawls away]

I don’t know how much of this story will be plot important, but the point is that the massive Seneca Rocks peak (that’s conveniently just a couple miles behind Katy’s house via walking trail) is made primarily of quartzite, which native peoples and hippies believe has special energy-related powers, including “throw[ing] electronics and other stuff off” and “hid[ing] things.”

Gee, I wonder what large electronic thing could be hiding on, in, or around Seneca Rock. (I’m stealthily charading spaceship over here, FYI.)

Also, there’s this legend about a beautiful native princess whom all the guys wanted to marry, and she decided only the guy who could climb to the highest, most dangerous peak of Seneca Rocks with her could have her. So there’s a climbing competition, and one guy does in fact keep up with her, but he slips just before he reaches the top, and the princess has to decide if she’s going to reach down and save him or not.

Daemon asks what Katy would do in that situation—save the unworthy guy and be forced to marry him, or let him die (because saving him and not marrying him isn’t an option, apparently?)—and Katy says of course she’d save him; “[h]ow could you even be capable of love or worthy of it, for that matter, if you let [someone die]?”

The legend wraps up and is followed by some ignorant speculation about Native Americans, and then the book realizes it’s been holy crap almost six pages since the last time Daemon had to wrap his body around Katy to protect her from something, so a confused black bear is shoved onto stage left.

Daemon, showing his heroic colors at last, immediately hisses at Katy to shut up and drags her into the safety of his body:

Tugging me toward him, he caught me off guard. I placed my hands on his chest to stop from tumbling over. His chest seemed to . . . hum under my hands.

Oh man if he’s not a space squid please let him be a space robot. Please let there be long erotic odes to his undulating piston in my near future, I deserve this.

Someone apparently dosed this bear with PCP, because instead of doing the usual black bear thing and shyly excusing himself from the scene, this one rises up on its hind legs (an I-can’t-see-you-very-well maneuver, not an I-AM-TERRIFYINGLY-BIG one, FYI), roars (I thought black bears didn’t roar?) and charges them with plot-convenient murder dripping from its fangs.

And Daemon curses, and there’s a couple of bright flashes Katy sees through her closed eyelids, and there’s a blast of heat that ruins her hairdo, and the chapter ends in darkness.

Thank god, that “holy shit Daemon are you a faerie?”/”NAY, HUMAN, BEHOLD MY SLIMY MAGNIFICENCE” conversation has to be nigh; after all, even Katy can’t ignore being teleported to safety. Right?

Right?

<PREVIOUS CHAPTERNEXT CHAPTER>

CHAPTER INDEX


34 thoughts on “Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 7

  1. Oh LORD, this book. I’m not whether I want to laugh or slam my head against the table – bless your soul for reading this so that I don’t have to, HAHAH.

    All the underlying misogyny and sexism in this book is honestly kind of gross – the fact that Daemon can treat Katy the way he does and get away with it BECAUSE he’s an extremely attractive male sends awful, awful messages to younger, impressionable readers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I bet we could get a compelling rhythm going, headdesking together.

      Isn’t it terrible? Good looks don’t excuse this kind of behavior or mentality. And yeah, I can see the appeal of the “bad boy” type, but those types of guys don’t have to be misogynistic, abusive assholes. [Shakes a fist at the world.]

      Liked by 1 person

  2. First of all, thank you for saying this–> “Women can choose to put as much or as little effort into their appearance as they like, because their bodies are their own.” My natural self bows to your awesomeness! 🙂

    Yeahhh… you know… I look forward to the chapter where they have that big revelation chat… This is going to be fun, I can feel it!

    As always, so many laughs, so many agreeing head-nods, and so many tut-tut-tutting along side you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish we could, like, print those simple facts out on flyers and paste them in all the places, everywhere. They should be common sense, and it’s heartbreaking/maddening that they’re not.

      The big reveal is going to be AMAZING. We deserve it! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OhmygodohmygodOHMYGOD. This is so painful it’s hysterical. (Oh geez, that might be the next line Katy says about the dickhead….)

    “I’ve always found that the most beautiful people, truly beautiful inside and out, are the ones who are quietly unaware of their effect. [ . . . ] The ones who throw their beauty around, waste what they have? Their beauty is only passing. It’s just a shell hiding nothing but shadows and emptiness.” There have been many a time when reading that I have wanted to reach into a book and strangle a character, but I honestly believe no time more than this. What g-d f-ing HORSESHIT. F@#* off.

    Also, black bears would politely excuse themselves and wander away to eat berries. For f@#*’s sake.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stefanie, your curses made me laugh a laugh that startled both the dog I’m dog-sitting and the deer we were watching in her backyard. Your curses are both wholly warranted and fill me with joy.

      I’m so glad your kids have you to teach them that this type of thinking is wrong and harmful. Too many kids don’t have parents who can do that.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great recap again for this chapter. Also yeah I agree where was our research scene. At least in Twilight Bella put vampires into a Google search on her ancient computer at home. Katy’s a book blogger so I’m assuming she has a decent internet connection and can at least make the same effort.
    Also based on Katy’s inability to stay away from Daemon and go on long walks with him into the woods I don’t think she’d last long at all if she ever came face to face with a homicidal maniac.
    I really don’t like the whole trend of pitting girls against girls in YA fiction like that. Just once I’d like a female character to stand up for the girls who the male character is putting down you know. Dump his ass Katy and find someone better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It’s kind of shaking my world over here, though, imagining Bella as the more proactive of two heroines.

      She would die immediately, yep.

      Oh, hell yes. Here’s hoping girls standing up for other girls against asshole boys becomes A Thing. I’d support it with all my heart.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s possible Katy did do research it just wasn’t written about to make more room for Daemon and his abs.
        I’d definitely love to see more of it in YA as well. It seems the whole girl against girl/mean girl trope is something we see in a lot of YA books at the moment.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. The (lack of) logic in this book boggles the mind, truly. And “hotly philosophical” is totally a thing – teenage girls definitely like quiet, enigmatic, mysterious boys who use big words and and act super deep. 😉

    I always get really confused whenever a teen character has like 10 girls fawning over him. I didn’t go to school in the US (or a Western country, actually), and I’ve always wondered if that’s actually a thing. In my experience girls just silently fawn from afar. 😂

    On a more positive note, though, the bear is my favourite character in this chapter, hands down.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I won’t lie, my first significant other was an older guy in high school who totally fit the “quiet, enigmatic, mysterious” bill. He was also both goth and incredibly smart, so that’s check-marks for both the “big words” and “act super deep” qualities, too. There’s a serious allure there, for sure.

      Hm, I think the silently-fawning-from-afar thing is a lot more common. There certainly weren’t any lust-induced brawls on my high school campus (thanks goodness).

      Honestly, the bear’s my favorite, too.

      Like

      1. That’s interesting! I can see the allure, but to be completely honest my school crushes are mostly the smart, nerdy boys, with the occasional class joker here and there. I especially like extroverted overachievers. 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I love this book! It was so perfectly cheesy and bad for that one time I felt like reading something cheesy and bad. My favorite part(s) was when he even gave her hints and time to realize she was making a stupid decision and she took that as a challenge to prove that she was her own woman dang nab it and she was going to prove him right if she dang well pleased! You know, now I want to read the sequel.
    Also, the model on the cover is super hot, only reason I bought the book. I’m not ashamed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad to hear it hit all the right spots for you! If you do read the sequel anytime soon, you’ll have to make sure I see your review; I’d be curious to hear what you think of it! (And yes, that cover model. Doesn’t pass as a seventeen-year-old, that’s for sure!)

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Dying of lols is probably the best way to go, but nevertheless, please don’t. If anyone’s going to die from this snark, it had damn well better be me, via headdesk-induced intracranial hemorrhaging. That’s my job. [Thumbs up.]

      Like

  7. hahahahahhaha this is better than Bella Swan telling Edward Cullen she doesn’t like “cold wet things”- of course the author had to throw in that she’s not attracted to green, slimy aliens- but just wait till he whips out those tentacles! 😉 hahaha well yes, hanging out with someone as weird and creepy and Damon is definitely a great cure for boredom 😉 hahaha I’m definitely going with the idea he’s a slimy squid monster! oh god please let them have that conversation already!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AAAAAH the “cold wet things” quote oh my god, my life.

      I wish there were some serious Obsidian fanart that involved tentacles out there. It’d be a fucking joy.

      We’ll have to open the champagne whenever the conversations happens, for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. OMG. THIS chapter. Would you believe me if I told you that I completely put this chapter in the NEVERFUCKINGTHINKABOUTITAGAIN bin because of that lovely history lesson curtesy of Daemon, Human Impersonator and Professor (apparently)? The only thing I remembered was the bear (because why in the world is there a bear involved???) then I read this post and got angry all over again. I’ve got to bookmark it so that I can add it to my next rant to my coworkers.

    A+ snark as per usual ❤

    P.S. The minute this random story because relevant in the book, my eyes will roll so far into the back of my head. I might need you to help me retrieve them.

    P.P.S. Gotta love the author’s commitment to reminding us Katy is running a blog… even if it’s painful to read about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would 100% believe you. If I weren’t snarking this disaster, I’d have done the same thing.

      I wish I could find a Seneca book blogger, or someone else who’s actually knowledgeable enough to dissect and analyze that scene.

      P.S. My fingers are slender, perfect for retrieving wayward eyeballs. Whenever you need me, I’m on hand (har har).

      P.P.S. True, Katy didn’t immediately ditch all of her hobbies/individual traits within a chapter of meeting The Dude. That’s . . . something.

      Like

  9. Oh god, the misogynistic under (or should I say over) tones and continued demonstrations of ignorance are making my head hurt haha. How have you not already thrown this book against the wall. Repeatedly. LOL. And that poor, poor black bear. It did not deserve to be dragged into this mess. Dee and the bear should run away from this book, far away so they can never be misused again. As usual, A+ review, Liam! Your remarks about Daemon and his hidden alien appearance crack me every time LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Overtones is right.

      Ha, honestly, only my concern for my neighbors has kept me from chucking the book around the entire apartment. They don’t deserve to be bothered simply because they have the misfortune of living next to me and my awful life choices.

      I would absolutely read a novel about Dee and the black bear going on a best-buds adventure far from Daemon’s reach. That’d be marvelous.

      Ahaha, that’s such a relief; I’m fucking delighted at the image of his squidliness, and have to work hard not to mention it, like, every other line. Here’s hoping I don’t make you sick of it by the time we get through this entire disaster of a novel!

      Like

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