Instead of, you know, diligently snarking like a responsible person, I wasted a solid chunk of my life making character aesthetic/mood boards for our beloved protagonist Katy and that asshole Daemon. What do you think; have I captured them adequately?
Katy Swartz:
Protagonist
Pertinent Facts:
1) Hair a baffling shade of light brown.
2) Internal complexity of an empty room.
3) No memory to speak of.
4) Amateur gardener.
5) Sometimes mutters the word “books” to convince readers that we have to like her because she’s just like us.
Daemon Black:
Asshole
Pertinent Facts:
1) Sneering abusive chauvinist shit.
2) Definitely a space squid.
3) Brilliant luminous enchanting emerald eyes that gaze into your very soul.
4) ABS.
5) TOO MANY ABS, OH MY GOD PUT SOME BACK.
Yep, nailed it.
In related news: I think I’m going to slow down this snark to two posts a week, Mondays and Fridays, and do something non-Obsidian-related on Wednesdays. Honestly, I was expecting this book to be more like Throne of Glass: an enjoyably frustrating romp that had as many lols as head-desks. Instead, Obsidian is grinding me into a fine, enraged dust.
And anyway, I don’t want my blog to be All Obsidian All The Time, because no. Just no.
So be patient with me while I figure out a new posting schedule for this disaster, and try to add some more zest into the blog otherwise.
Thanks, guys.
Lol you crack me up! And make me kinda want to read this book just to place what you’re saying in context.
I’m not familiar with the characters but those pertinent details lol! can be applied to others I’m familiar with.
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The book is awful, trust me. (Or don’t trust me; read the book and let me know what you think, that’d be fun too.)
Yeah, these two aren’t exactly unique in the world of YA paranormal romance, huh? Unfortunately. We need fewer characters like them, not more.
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I snorted at the empty room, but full-on cackled at the squid pics. I vote you do one for Dee next, and maybe one just for the plot. You know, the one that’s buried under all those abs. Somewhere.
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You can’t see it, but I’m pumping my fist to celebrate my success.
Ha, I might have to do that! And/or maybe one of what I look like while snarking, too, to really complete the picture. I’ll consider it.
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Haha this is hilarious!! I especially love the one you did for Katy!!!
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Aaah I’m so glad you like it! Thank you!
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Hahahaha… love this! You did nail it… like with a big massive hammer on a teeny tiny nail, impossible to miss and so effective! 😀
Yay, while I love your Obsidian snarking (you know I do!), I would love to see some unrelated features as well because you’re good at whatever you do! I look forward to it very much 🙂
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Aw, thank you, Liz! You fill me with all the joy.
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You’re my hero! I wish I could be as funny and awesome as you. So glad you’re taking a step back and taking care of your emotional health first.
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You’re too sweet to me, Sara!
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THOSE AESTHETICS OH MY GOD 😂😂😂
I told you this is a frustrating read. It looks funny at first but then it turns you into a ball of rage against everyone and everything. So yeah, wise decision haha!
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I should’ve trusted you more, obviously. I have only myself to blame! Oh, well. You can rest assured I’ll try to stick to the more lolarious books in the future.
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Liam, I am crying. And I can’t tell if it’s because you captured the essence of these crushed cardboard “characters” perfectly or if it’s because I have resolved to “drink until this book gets better.” Probably both. I’m glad you didn’t forget squidbby’s ABS and GORGEOUS IRIDESCENT EMERALD AND/OR JADE EYES. (By the by, while I love “Internal complexity of an empty room,” I completely lost my shit seeing the goldfish for Katy. A+, friend.)
This book is the literal worst. I admire your strength for keeping it going with the snark in any capacity. I’m sorry that it’s less amusing than Throne of Glass >__<
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“Until this book gets better,” she says, while I lol myself into quiet, hopeless sobs.
What’s your drink of choice? Any plans to do some boozy Obsidian reading this weekend? (Hopefully you have something more enjoyable lined up.)
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I don’t even know where this alien train is driving us… probably straight into a brick wall (How far are you in this book? Because I have been screaming into the void for a few chapters now).
I wish I had something more enjoyable than lying in wait for a plot to surface. Alas, I do not. My drink of choice for this weekend is wine. I like to pretend I’m still a classy humanoid while muttering strings of curses under my breath with every flip of the page.
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Ahaha the alien train. TOOT TOOT.
I’m not nearly as far as you are; I’ve read up to, uh, fifteen. I need to get off my ass and just power through. Morgan, give me strength. How about you?
Wine makes a great pairing with feminist rage. Regardless, you will always be classy in my book.
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Kind of want a conductor’s hat with “Alien Train” emblazoned on the front and “TOOT TOOT” on the back. Not gonna lie.
OHMYGOD. Liam, get ready for a goddamn roller coaster of being filled with rage while also being numb because you’ve felt too much rage. I literally just finished this book, and I cannot believe I put myself through it.
Ah, wine. My forever love. I will look back to this moment when you called me classy after I write my totally unclassy review of this book.
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I was about to say you deserve a medal for finishing the book, but maybe that conductor’s hat would suffice? I mean, who needs a hunk of gold-colored plastic when you could be walking around in public with TOOT TOOT written on your clothing. (TOOT TOOT.)
But holy shit I am officially dreading the rest of this book now. Did you power through the rest in one sitting? What sort of after-care did you require? Have you fully recovered from the experience, or will it take more time?
Give me your unclassy review, Morgan; I can’t express how much I need it. (But wait. If it’s going to be spoilery, maybe I should finish the book first? That’s actually the best possible motivation to get me to sit the fuck down and finish the thing already; otherwise I’ll be dragging the process out for months.)
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The conductor’s hat should suffice, but I’ll also take the medal just in case.
It’s okay. Once you hit a certain point, it’s smoother sailing than the first half of the book, that’s for sure. Of course, if you get to the end and need someone to high five, I am here. I think it helped that I took a weeklong break for Diverseathon and that my coworkers keep letting me rant about this book to them. Otherwise, there would be no hope.
This is true. I haven’t decided how spoilery it will be. Probably hella because I have no chill where this book is concerned. (I will cheer you on from the sidelines)
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Bless your sweet coworkers and your ambitious reading goals for helping you through this thing.
Please give all the spoilers, I beg you.
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They’re so nice and love the dramz just as much as I do.
Thought: Is there even a plot to spoil, though? Because half of the time it doesn’t feel like there is.
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I’m hoping the half the time that it DOES feel like there’s a plot is coming at me soon.
(And what the hell, WordPress? Morgan’s comments don’t need to be moderated. Stop that.)
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I can’t wait for you to get to the end!!!
(I thought the same thing. I was so offended. No, WordPress, I live here… on Liam’s blog. My frequent flyer card is full.)
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I would be [honestly] impressed if the major plot twist is that her amateur gardening is the key to saving the conflict. Because to learn to manage dirt leads to dealing with manure leads with her dynamic with The Asshole (?). 10/10 would not read said story though.
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Hey, that’s a great thought. Except that now you’re giving me hope, Joey. Stop that.
“10/10 would not read said story though.”
My laugh startled my cats, fyi.
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OMG You totally nailed it!! I missed a few Obsidian rants so I’ll go have a look now but I’m afraid of the story, haha
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Ha, thank you!
I can assure you that you haven’t missed anything worthwhile, don’t worry.
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hahaha the “I’m too sexy for my shirt” had me rofl!! Honestly I hate both of these characters!! The whole way through your snark I just want to reach into the book and shake Katy!! And Daemon… well I’d say I want to shake him too, but he’d get the wrong idea so I think I’d just run in the opposite direction (whilst throwing him a shirt) This post is so good!!!
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Ahaha, “well I’d say I want to shake him too, but he’d get the wrong idea,” IT IS SO TRUE. I fully support you both shaking Katy and getting as far from Daemon as physically possible. Smart choices, both of them.
Thank you! I’m so glad you liked it; it was wonderfully therapeutic to make, that’s for sure!
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Hahaha thank you!! You’re welcome! I’ll bet!!! You’ll need something therapeutic after reading this!!
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This is perfection LOL. Glad you spent some time doing this. I think you nailed it haha. Especially the “baffling” shade of brown haha. And I love the tentacle images XD Just waiting to see your reaction when it’s finally revealed to Katy that Daemon is an alien haha
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Ha, I’m so glad you like it! I’ll be sure to try to capture my expression when I’m reading the Grand Revelation; it’s coming soon, I think, hurray!
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