Previously on Obsidian, Katy’s discharged from the hospital into the tender care of Daemon’s many limbs. Later, she begins to wonder if maybe potentially there’s something a wee bit weird going on with the twins. AGAIN.
Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold or block-quotes, it’s paraphrased snark.
It’s bonding time for Katy and Dee and Dee’s incredible alien appetite, so Dee recommends a place that Katy takes one glance at and (raising her upper lip in a becoming sneer) deems “quite a . . . quaint restaurant.”
I found it kind of hard to imagine beautiful Dee hanging out here, eating hot turkey sandwiches and drinking milkshakes.
Places Katy Deems Unworthy of Being Frequented by Beautiful People:
- Grocery Stores
- Medical Facilities
- Any Dining Establishment Rated Below Three Stars by Michelin.
The girls talk about nothing much (though they mention the girl who’d died—supposedly possibly of a heart attack—the night Katy was attacked), and I’m just starting to wonder why I’m sitting through this scene when in struts the point: “the most physically flawless male [Katy’d] ever seen” but also “the biggest jerk on the planet.” Hello, Daemon.
Katy’s as not-thrilled to see him as I am, though for different reasons:
I slid my bandaged arm under the table. I was positive if he saw it, it would remind him of how inconveniencing I’d been.
Yes, how inconvenienced he must have been by you being attacked and almost killed. How inconsiderate of you to force him to rescue you and then spend the night with you like that. He could’ve been spending those hours—I don’t even know—binge-watching soap operas to brush up on the intricacies of realistic human behavior. You should be ashamed.
Katy and Daemon engage in inane pseudo-banter that’s threatening to bore me into a stupor, when “a very excited female” comes bouncing into the restaurant and velcros herself to Daemon’s bulging body. Katy, naturally, “couldn’t breathe” at the sight of breasts squished against him.
I forced myself to smile at the girl. I had no reason to be jealous or to care, but damn, this girl was pretty.
Again, I appreciate Katy’s effort to remain pleasant and sociable, as well as her self-awareness.
But do we really need yet another female protagonist who feels that another woman’s physical attractiveness is personally threatening, and who only believe herself pretty when the hottest guy in town pinky-promises sole ownership of his junk to her? Can’t we instead have protagonists who, like, explicitly remind themselves that beauty isn’t a competition, and being considered attractive by other people isn’t a girl’s highest possible achievement?
Dee introduces Katy to Ms. Unfairly Gorgeous, a.k.a. Ash, while Ash hastily swaps out her beauty-queen tiara for a bitch-extraordinaire jersey and some boxing gloves. “THIS HUMAN IS DISGUSTING, I CANNOT HANDLE IT,” she declares, followed by doomsday prophecies about how Katy will destroy them. And just as I’m hoping she’ll let slip something obvious enough to stick in Katy’s mind for more than two seconds (“We are aliens, A-L-I-E-N-S,” would maybe suffice?), Daemon lassos her and physically drags her out the door.
Katy, who’s blushing the blush of mortification and fury, asks Dee What The Fuck Was That, and Dee launches into an awkward explanation of how Ash and Daemon used to date so maybe Ash is jealous that Daemon had spent time with Katy and anyway Ash and her brothers are triplets and their family is close to Dee’s family and they’re all of them “a little weird” in ways Dee doesn’t specify and Katy doesn’t get curious about; Katy’s significantly more interested in the dual facts that (a) Daemon’s no longer dating Ash, and (b) Dee’s dating Ash’s brother Adam but hadn’t mentioned it before now.
Oh, and by the way, all the locals in the diner are staring at her and Dee like they’re monsters (reminiscent of the mother who hissed at her son to get out of Dee’s reach in the fateful dairy aisle of chapter two; clearly these people are more aware than Katy is that Something Is Up With These Twins), which Katy notices but for some reason gives absolutely not reaction to.
Scene change! It’s the first day of school, everyone’s staring like she’s a “two-headed alien” (I see what you did there), and this only gets worse when Daemon sidles his junk up behind her before class starts and gets all smirky and whispery in her ear in front of everyone. Oh, but first I should mention that as he’s swaggering in, he flipped some hair off his forehead, and “when he lifted his arm, he flashed a row of golden skin that somehow made math all the more interesting.”
But hey, at least we no longer have to rely solely on Katy’s mom to confirm Daemon’s worth fantasizing about; two girls nearby giggle about wanting to snarf down a “Daemon sandwich” just before Daemon flops his sex appeal into the desk behind Katy’s.
So he leans forward and initiates a tedious conversation that leads to “an epic stare-down [Katy] refused to lose,” and culminates in Daemon dropping the minor bomb that he’s read Katy’s blog. The news morphs Katy into a Southern Grandma/Teen Caricature chimera (possibly the most painful of chimera breeds):
Oh. Dear. Baby. Jesus. How did he find it? Wait. More importantly was the fact that he had found it. Was my blog now Googleable? That was awesomesauce with an extra heaping of sauce.
(Also please note that this excerpt would’ve been more coherent if “Wait. More importantly was the fact that he had found it” was removed. As it is now, the excerpt basically reads, “How did he find it? Wait. More importantly, how did he find it?” The writing in this book is a continual pleasure to read.)
After class, the two girls who were hot for Daemon’s deli meat (Lesa and Carissa) fall into Interrogation Formation around Katy, wanting all the deets about how she got him to whisper sweet insults in her ear. “Half the population at this school would love to trade places with you,” Lesa assures us all.
Ah, but Lesa and Carissa have more on their agenda than praising Daemon’s chiseled bod; they’re here to provide plot-important info. See, Dee and Daemon aren’t twins, they’re triplets, and they arrived in town at the same time as Ash and her two brothers.
More scandalously, Dee and Daemon’s brother, Dawson, is missing and presumed dead.
DUN DUN DUN.
I’ve officially given up hope of Katy ever thinking critically about—much less investigating—any of the weirdnesses around her. My only expectation is that she’ll somehow twist Dawson’s disappearance around until it’s somehow about herself, the way a kid playing in the grocery store became about her lack of a sex life, and Daemon’s love for his sister became a tragic testament to how little he cares about Katy.
Boy, I can’t wait.