Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 12


Previously on  Obsidian, school starts, Daemon’s hotness is universally confirmed, and Daemon and Dee have a triplet brother who’s missing, presumed dead.

Note: all direct quotes are either in bold or block-quotes. If something’s in quotation marks but not bold or block-quotes, it’s paraphrased snark.


Chapter Index

CHAPTER 12

It’s still the first day of school, and Katy’s devastated at the realization that Dee hadn’t disclosed her entire past (including school, medical, and possible criminal records) when she consented to this friendship:

And [their brother] disappeared? Died? My heart ached for them even though they obviously hadn’t told me everything.

Even though? Even though? Yes, how gracious of you to bestow your sympathy on people who are clearly so undeserving of it. 

I totally called it, that Katy’d make Dawson’s disappearance about herself. Someone give me a pat on the back, I need it.

Before Katy can corner Dee with the pile of paperwork Dee’d neglected to fill out, Imparter of Important Plot Information Lesa plops her shining smile down in the desk in front of Katy and obligingly imparts important plot information. The town, she tells Katy, is “the epicenter of weirdness,” complete with regular sightings of men in black suits and aliens hanging around Seneca Rocks. (I’m disappointed to report that the aliens are described as “people-shaped things of light.” In my heart of hearts I know they’re space squids.)

Katy’s response:

“Aliens?” I bust out laughing, drawing a few stares. “I’m sorry, but seriously?”

It’s hard to type when I’m flailing my arms in exasperated outrage. Yes, Katy, aliens. You know, non-human creatures who might possibly have inhuman powers such as those you’ve witnessed left and right and center thus far. You don’t have to believe it right away, but at least start connecting some dots here.

And it looks like I’ll be flailing some more, because the book opts to once again not allow Katy time to absorb and reflect on the information she’s just been handed:

I opened my mouth to respond, but our teacher walked in.

Her biology teacher, FYI, is Matthew Garrison, the angry alien who had an angry alien standoff with Daemon at the end of chapter 6. Mr. Garrison—who, like Daemon, is a truly excellent human impersonator—spends the entirety of class holding Katy immobile with his unblinking gaze.

The scene ends:

What the hell was going on around here?

BUT DOES SHE CONTINUE THAT THOUGHT INTO THE NEXT SCENE?

NO.

NO, SHE DOESN’T.

Ah, high school lunchtime: the sticky tiled floors, the inedible slop, the crushing anxiety over one’s social status (I guess?). Lovely classmate Carissa greets Katy with a smile (I’m shocked that this book contains friendly, welcoming female characters, much less three of them), a smile that melts right into horror at the news Katy’s going to eat with Dee.

CARISSA: “KATY, NO, YOU CAN’T.”

KATY:

CARISSA: “[T]he last girl to do so, like, disappeared.”

KATY:

CARISSA: “She disappeared with Dee and Daemon’s missing brother.”

KATY’S RAGING SELF-ENTITLEMENT: “HOW DARE DEE NOT TELL ME ANY OF THIS. THIS REQUIRES ANOTHER FORM SHE MUST FILL OUT IMMEDIATELY.”

So Katy collects her spaghetti and makes for Dee’s table, which is draped over with godly-gorgeous aliens. Roll call! Dee Black’s twirling her hair around her finger while chatting with one of the Thompson brothers; the other Thompson boy’s sitting poised on top of the table, facing the adoring crowds rather than his tablemates; Daemon Black’s sultry smirk is in residence but partially obscured by Ash Thompson’s breasts; the rest of Ash Thompson is perched triumphantly in his lap.

And—miracle of miracles—Katy’s ensuing anger is directed with military precision at its appropriate target:

Hadn’t he tried to kiss me on the porch? I was pretty sure I hadn’t imagined that. Daemon was a douchebag to the highest order.

YES, THANK YOU, YES.

Dee welcomes Katy’s approach with joy; the other aliens not so much. Ash plays the stereotypical jealous bitch, Dee calls her out on it, Ash bitches some more, Katy asks Dee for reassurance that she can sit with them, Daemon sneers that Katy should know when she’s not welcome, Dee starts to cry, and Daemon leans forward and makes it super clear that Katy better walk the fuck away and never come back.

Katy’s become a Katy-shaped statue of mortification (while, interestingly, one of the godly Thompson brothers looks like he wants to crawl under the table and die of second-hand embarrassment for her. Which one is he? Can she romance him instead?), and the cafeteria breaks out in surround-sound whispers and sympathetic hissing.

And then the best thing of the entire fucking book thus far happens.

Katy dumps her lunch on Ash and Daemon.

Chunks of noodles and spaghetti sauce fell. Most of the red gunk hit Ash and the noodles covered Daemon’s broad shoulder. One long, stringy noodle slid over Daemon’s ear and hung there, flopping around.

Now, I don’t condone this type of retaliation in real life, but hell yes, Katy, I am so proud. You finally fucking did something.

Dee is overtaken by giggles at the sight; more surprisingly, so is Daemon:

He really laughed—a deep, stomach rumbling kind of laughter that reached his minty eyes and warmed them, causing them to sparkle like his sister’s.

A jolly Santa laugh, then? Hot.

Ash is rather less amused. Instead of a few baritone ho ho hos, what comes out of her mouth is (what I can only assume is) a sacred alien vow of vengeance:

“I will end you.”

She’s half a second from vaulting her chair and rending Katy limb from limb when Daemon throws himself bodily in her way. Good thing, too, because rather than flinching away from a brawl, Katy’s calculating of the cost vs. benefit of ripping the splint off her arm and going whole hog on Ash’s face.

Oh, and by the way, Ash’s eyes have “started to glow a bright amber from behind her irises,” but Biology Teacher and Angry Alien Matthew Garrison barrels in to simmer their shit down before Katy can memorize that detail for later consideration. Damn it.

Mr. Garrison shoos Katy off to safer territory (rather than send her to the principal’s office for a scolding, which shocks her to her core), and as she shoos she stews:

I wasn’t going to break. Not anymore.

YES. DON’T BREAK, NOT ANYMORE. KICK SOME ALIEN ASS.

I was tired of this shit with Daemon’s, well, whatever she was.

Wait.

I hadn’t done a single thing for her to treat me this way.

No Katy wait.

I was done with being pushover Katy.

I mean, yes, totally be done with Ash’s bullshit—but you’ve had exactly two encounters with Ash and 142 pages of Daemon’s bullshit. Redirect your fury about six degrees to the right is all I’m saying.


As surprised and pleased as I am that the book offers three friendly female characters—Dee, Lesa, and Carissa—this whole thing with Ash is a disaster.

  1. Ash is your garden variety one-dimensional jealousy-inducing gorgeous slutty bitch (if we’re being stereotypical about it), and
  2. she became the primary villain of Katy’s life the moment she stepped into it.

Never mind Daemon’s consistent manipulation, threats, and cruelty; never mind the mysterious attacker who literally beat Katy almost to death. Ash is the one who earns the full force of Katy’s antagonism, because she’s pretty and mean and wants Daemon’s nuts. HOW DARE SHE.

Yes, book, we should totally avoid the actual plot and instead fester over the proximity of Ash’s bitchy gorgeousness to Daemon’s douchey smirkiness, I totally agree.

There go my arms a-flailing again, whoops.

<PREVIOUS CHAPTERNEXT CHAPTER>

CHAPTER INDEX


27 thoughts on “Snarking Obsidian: Chapter 12

  1. [/gives you a pat on the back and a golden star]

    “Mr. Garrison—who, like Daemon, is a truly excellent human impersonator—spends the entirety of class holding Katy immobile with his unblinking gaze.” BRB. Sobbing because that’s legitimately what happened, and I couldn’t handle it.

    THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP ASH BECAUSE I WENT ON AN INDECIPHERABLE RAGE IN ONE OF MY NOTEBOOKS ABOUT HER BECAUSE WTF?! She doesn’t exist beyond the petty bullshit that is this pointless jealousy arc.

    Also, I love that you mention the spaghetti thing being the best thing to happen in the book thus far. Because here I am thinking it’s the only thing I can give positive feedback on in this pile of printed paper. Well, that and the bear scene that I will obviously never stop talking about for as long as I live (even though it was not truly important to the plot).

    P.S. I will always refer to Daemon as “Squidboy/Squid-Boy.” Everyone else can fight me.

    P.P.S. Dee Black deserves better than this book, jsyk.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ISN’T IT GREAT? I wish I was making up so much of the stuff in my snarks, and it AMAZES me that I don’t have to. It’s fucking ridiculous, Morgan, and I love/hate it.

      God damn it, book. I know I’m the stupid eternal optimist, but I was holding out hope that Ash served some other purpose in the book than jealousy-fodder. Fuck. Do you have any wine left over? I know it’s a few minutes before noon, but I feel a serious need.

      The bear is the best, hands down.

      And “Squidboy/Squid-Boy” will always get my vote.

      And fuck yes, let’s get Dee into a different book, poor pumpkin.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This book just keeps supplying the material. Even though I don’t like it, it was THE PERFECT choice for a snark. I have such a love/hate relationship with this book in general. On the one hand, it’s the worst. On the other hand, I was starting to think I could no longer feel extreme emotions, and I have been proven wrong.

        I’d honestly be okay with her being jealousy bait if she was a real character and not a useless plastic bag drifting in the wind (but why would I expect that when literally no character has been thought out past the surface save for Katy, Daemon, and Dee?). It’s okay. I have plenty of wine to share.

        Protect Dee at all costs!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. It reaches new heights of amazing/awful (amawful?) which each chapter, for sure.

      HEY NOW, are you suggesting Santa lols aren’t the height of sexiness?? I bet Daemon would be willing to trap you in some abandoned basement and take his shirt off and menacingly HO HO HO at you until you change your mind. (Ugh.)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pat on the back for sure – as predicted she totally managed to make the disappearance about herself! And I laughed so much at you trying to redirect Katy’s anger at the right person. I can’t believe she doesn’t really get angry at Daemon, but puts the majority of the blame for his behaviour on this other girl she just met!! Sadly though I think this happens often enough in real life that it is plausible… but you would hope a female protagonist in a YA book could provide a better example.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t agree with you more, Nicola; YA protagonists are a great role model for readers, who can learn (consciously or not) how to view themselves and interact with others by watching the protagonists they most admire/want to be. Not every YA protagonist needs to be an upstanding feminist role model (that’d be unrealistic and ultimately boring to read), but enough of them should be to offer readers a healthier perspective on themselves and their relationships—and Katy’s offering readers absolutely nothing healthy. [Shakes a fist.]

      If you can think of any fantasy or paranormal YA heroines who do make for excellent role models, I’d love to know about them!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadly it is usually the bad examples that stick out in my mind, probably because they annoy me! But if I think harder about it there are some great female role models out there – Puck Connolly in The Scorpio Races (the romance is a pretty healthy/realistic one considering it is a paranormal fantasy, and I adore that book!), Penryn in Angelfall is good too (can’t remember if that continues in the sequels though), and all the heroines in the Graceling trilogy are great (Fire is my favourite). I also like Karou in The Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy, particularly in the sequels – she’s isn’t perfect but I like that she often prioritises the wellbeing of her country/people/friends over pining for the love interest, is intelligent and active in getting what she wants (even when she goes about it the wrong way), and doesn’t overlook or dismiss the bad things the love interest has done the moment he flexes his abs!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Aaah all the books you’ve listed are books I love! (Though, admittedly, I haven’t read End of Days or Dreams of Gods & Monsters, despite having owned them both for years.) Fire is my favorite of the Graceling trilogy, too.

        I’ve been meaning to reread all of those books (they’re old favorites that I haven’t revisited in years), and now I’m officially desperate to do so!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh good, it seems we have similar taste! I loved Dreams of Gods & Monsters but wasn’t thrilled by End of Days (though there was one climactic scene I really liked)… perhaps I just left it too long between books though. I recommend re-reading or looking up a summary of the previous book if you do read End of Days, because I left it a few years and was royally confused when I tried to continue!

        I’m really glad to hear Fire is your favourite – several friends told me they didn’t like it and preferred Graceling so I’ve been feeling it isn’t getting enough love 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I’ll definitely take your advice; I’ll reread the DoSaB books, but probably just look up summaries of the Angelfall books. I’m sorry to hear End of Days wasn’t the best (though you’re not the first person I’ve heard that from), but I’m so glad to hear DoGaM is great! I need to hurry up and get to it.

        Fire deserves so much love, that’s for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Another great recap, though it sounds like this book is starting to weigh on you a little as well. You deserve all the gold stars and all the pats on the back for getting this far through it!
    The spaghetti thing was amazing. I forgot that actually happened in the book but reading it in your recap made me want to cheer for Katy again. Unfortunately it seems like her ire is directed at the wrong person. Could she not be even a little mad at Daemon?
    Speaking of Daemon I think anytime he laughs from now on I’m going to be thinking of Santa instead of hot alien with inhuman abs! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Frankly, Katy’s similarities to a goldfish seem to be increasing. Here’s hoping that the next time she acts on her anger (please let there be a next time), she’s able to concentrate long enough to remember who she needs to be focusing that anger at.

      I wholeheartedly approve of Santaemon.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha, I’m relieved to hear that my anger isn’t getting in the way of (m)any lols! I keep having to remind myself to keep things light and loly (when all I really want to do is leave capslock on and curse a lot). 😄

      Oh my god I could totally use a puppy right now, give one to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You can do whatever you want! If at any point you just want to rage, go ahead and freaking do it! Let all of it out!
        I thought there was a puppy in your picture, that’s what I asked! If I had one, I’d give it to you…. for like an hour haha 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. RELEASE THE RAGE.

        Aaah, that’s a cat! A very weird-looking cat, to be honest, but very sweet. Our other cat is much more photogenic. (I’d totally forgotten she was in the featured picture for this post, ha ha, whoops.)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. haha gotta say your reintroduction to this just made me think “right, back to bizarro world”. pats on the back– by george, you do need it! They are space squids- don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!! 😉 Ahhhh what the hell is wrong with Katy- before I thought she was too stupid to do research and figure anything out… now I know she’s too stupid to figure it out when someone practically slaps her round the face with the answer. Like I said HOW THE HELL is she gonna figure out a mystery of a missing person/squid and people dying?! She’s driving me mad, even if she did just drop her food tray on Daemon’s head (okay, I’ll admit it, that was GOLD!! How long have we been waiting for something like that to happen?!) ughh but then of course she turns round and gets pissed at this random other alien instead of the douchbag who is now (deservedly) wearing spaghetti. FACE PALM I should have known it was too good to be true…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “right, back to bizarro world”

      Ha! That is so apt, I can’t even.

      “now I know she’s too stupid to figure it out when someone practically slaps her round the face with the answer.”

      Maybe the townspeople should throw her a parade. All the floats would be spaceships, and all the participants dressed as aliens. It can be the first annual There Are Aliens In This Town Parade, and Daemon can be tearfully crowned Alien King in the middle of it. (Though even that’s probably too subtle for Katy, huh?)

      Ugh. Here, I’m going to facepalm with you, if you don’t mind.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. hahaha thanks! ahh that would be so good- hahahaa I would love that so much… still not sure she’d figured it out- even if Daemon showed his tentacly appendage… (hehee yes, unfortunately) hahaha yes, by the end of this I fear we will have facepalmed so much we will have handprints on our foreheads 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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